Keeping Kids Safe on Bikes, Trikes, Skateboards-and in Cars

“Safety is not a gadget, but a state of mind.”—Eleanor Everet, safety expert

When the weather gets nice, kids head outside and jump on their trikes, bikes, or skateboards, or hop into the car. While it’s great for kids to be mobile and get some exercise, it can be stressful for parents who worry about their kids’ safety. Consider these ideas to keep your kids safe while allowing them to have some fun.

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For all parents

• Talk concretely about safety with your child. Instead of saying, “Be safe,” give explicit instructions on what your child should do. For example, if you have sidewalks, have your child ride only on the sidewalks in front of your home and not cross any streets. Be aware that some communities now say that sidewalks are for pedestrians only, so if that’s the case, you’ll need to find an alternative other than the street for young children to ride their trikes and bikes.
  
  
• Don’t rely on cell phones as a safety measure. Yes, a cell phone might help, but it’s not a safety sure-all since the batteries could go dead, your child could drop it, or your child could get injured enough and not be able to use it.
  
  
• Always insist that your child wear a helmet when riding a trike, bike, or skateboard. Make sure bike helmets have the CPSC sticker and that the skateboard helmets have the ASTM F 1492 sticker.
  
  
• Visit your community’s park and recreation department and inquire about bike paths, skateboard parks, and other recreational areas where you and your child can bike together.
  
  
• Insist that everyone always wear seat belts when riding in a car and that children are in the correct child or booster seat required for their age and weight.
  
  
• Remember that how you drive is a powerful lesson to your kids. Make sure you make full stops at stop signs. Don’t race through yellow lights. Signal before turning or changing lanes. Be aware of any inclination you may have toward road rage and do all you can to avoid it. All these are habits you want your kids to emulate once they begin driving, so do them yourself and talk about what you’re doing.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• When your child is riding a trike or bike outside, always keep a close eye on your child. Your child is too young to be able to make all safety decisions.
  
  
• Have races with your young child. As your child rides a trike, race your child while jogging alongside him or her. Let your child win most of the time. It will be great exercise for both of you.
  


• Once your child is coordinated enough, move him or her to a small bicycle with training wheels. As your child gradually gets a sense of balance with the training wheels, readjust the wheels so that your child has to work a bit harder at balancing.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Even after your child learns to ride a bicycle without training wheels, there are still a lot of bicycle skills she or he will need to master. For example, riding down hills is dangerous for most children since they often don’t know how to stop a bike and keep their balance while going at high speeds.
  
  
• Make bike riding more fun by having your child decorate his or her bike with crepe paper in the spokes—or by using clothespins to attach individual playing cards to the spokes for sound effects.
  
  
• When riding on bike trails together, make sure your child stays to the right to avoid head-on collisions with cyclists coming from the opposite direction.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As children enter puberty, they often resist wearing helmets. Some even will wear their helmets while a parent is looking and then hide it in the bushes once they’re a block away. As best you can, make sure your child is always wearing a helmet.
  
  
• Some preteens find bike helmets “uncool” and refuse to wear them. Help them find a more stylish skateboard helmet that also has the CPSC bike sticker. Many prefer skateboard helmets when riding bikes at this age.
  


• If your child has a cell phone, be clear that riding a bike (or a skateboard) while talking on a cell phone (or attempting to text message) is dangerous and should not be done.
  


• Be clear about what kids need to look for in crossing roads and railroad tracks. Many kids get into fender benders with cars when drivers turn a corner and don’t see the kids on the bike. Tell your kids to make eye contact with drivers to ensure that the drivers see them.
  


• Some states allow 15-year-olds to get learner’s driving permits. You have the right to decide whether your teen is ready for this at this age—or not. When you do decide your child is ready to begin learning driving skills, teach him or her carefully yourself and enroll your child in a comprehensive driving course.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Make sure teenagers always wear seatbelts when riding in or driving a car. Watch for teens who secure the seatbelt and sit on it instead of wearing it.
  


• Be clear on what you expect when your teenager drives (or rides in a car with a teenage driver). The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry has helpful tips at http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/helping_your_teen_become_a_safe_driver.
  
  
• Be clear that getting a driver’s license is a privilege, not a right. As a parent, you have the final say whether your teen is ready to get a license—or not. According to the Federal Highway Administration, only 30 percent of 16-year-olds get a driver’s license. That compares to 44 percent who got them 10 years earlier in 1998. If you feel your teenager is not ready, it’s okay for you to decide that he or she will wait to get a license until he or she is older.
  


• Carefully weigh the pros and cons of having your teen get a driver’s license versus riding with other teen drivers. (Your teenager will start riding with licensed drivers as soon as the opportunity arises.) Monitor who your teenager is riding with and what kind of driver that teenager is.
  
  
• Don’t be surprised if your child gets a ticket or has a fender bender the first year of having a driver’s license. Many teenagers do. The longer your teenager drives without an accident or ticket, the better.
  

Better Family Vacations

“There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” —Walt Streightiff, author

Everyone dreams of a perfect family vacation. There will be a lot of together time with family members enjoying themselves. Everyone will find time to relax and unwind, and everyone will come back refreshed. Yet anyone who has ever taken a family vacation has discovered that they’re far from perfect and that you never know what to expect. If you plan carefully, however, you can create better family vacations in which everyone comes home with fond memories.

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For all parents

• Adjust your expectations for family vacations. Instead of thinking of them as time to relax, think of them as family time where you may need to work a bit to bring the family together. (You can always take time off for yourself to unwind at another time.)
  
  
• Get everyone’s input on possible family vacations and activities. Your getaways will be more successful if everyone is involved in the planning from early on. Make sure the kids have a good say in what is planned, where you go, and the activities you want to do (and want to avoid). You may even need to plan one favorite activity per person so that everyone gets the chance to do something he or she really wants and the rest of the family can get to know that family member better.
  


• If you’re divorced, be careful not to get your children caught in the cross hairs of competing vacations. Some kids think it’s too much to go on two vacations (one with dad’s family and another with mom’s family) because it keeps them away from their friends too long. Balance your children’s needs along with your own.
  
  
• Be realistic about budgets. Family vacations can get expensive rather quickly. If your kids want spending money, let them know their budget before you go.
  
  
• If you have kids in two different age groups (such as a preschooler and a young adolescent), find activities that both enjoy, such as swimming or water parks. Also let each child choose an activity he or she really wants to do and have the whole family go along and enjoy that activity.
  
  
• Consider vacations with different goals. One year have a vacation that’s about relaxing and being together. Another time have a vacation that’s more adventuresome, where you’re exploring a national park or a major city. Another time, consider taking a family service trip during which your family volunteers and helps others.
  
  
• Whenever you take a family vacation, remember to expect the unexpected, have a sense of humor, and be open to surprise and discovery. This will help you keep your balance—and your sanity!
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Plan a vacation that is ideal for young children. Since young children thrive on routine, vacations that disrupt their routines can quickly turn sour. Some families spend their vacation time by staying at home (where young children are in familiar surroundings) and taking one special trip in the morning and one special trip in the afternoon, such as to a zoo, a children’s museum, a fancy playground across town, or water park.
  
  
• If you leave home, continue to follow your child’s routine. Make time for naps, snacks, bedtime routines, and so on.
  
  
• If you take a long car trip, consider leaving in the evening. Drive through the night while the kids sleep. This works best if you have two adults so that the adults also can take turns sleeping and monitoring kids. For more ideas on traveling with a preschooler, read Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Pack a traveling bag with activities that kids can do while traveling and on vacation. Include blank tablets, washable markers, puzzle and activity books, playing cards, handheld video games, books to read, and so on.
  
  
• Consider putting away several new activities (such as a new card game, puzzle, or board game) and wrapping it like a present. When kids get bored, bring out a present for them to open and discover.
  


• Be intentional about playing together as a family while you’re on vacation. The best part of a family vacation is being together and having fun together.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Encourage your teenager to bring a friend. This often will raise your teenager’s enthusiasm level greatly.
  
  
• You may need to rethink and redefine a family vacation for this age group. Don’t be surprised if your teenager is more enthusiastic about taking a trip to see a favorite music group, go to an amusement park, or visit a first-class water park.
  
  
• Consider taking two or three shorter vacations instead of one longer vacation. Sometimes teenagers are more agreeable to short getaways (so they don’t miss much time with their friends) than long ones.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Planning a vacation that a teenager wants to take with your family can be downright hard since teenagers often resist traveling with their families (or have packed schedules that make it difficult to get away). For ideas on family vacations that teenagers like, visit http://www.parentingteensonline.com/article/show/title/Family_Vacations_With_Teens.
  
  
• Talk about the variety of options for family vacations: visiting a major city, seeing a national park, taking a road trip, doing a family service project, digging up dinosaur bones, exploring historical sites, traveling overseas, or attending your favorite baseball team’s games on the road. Expand your view of possibilities.
  
  
• Allow your teenager some flexibility and independence on a family vacation. If your teenager can’t imagine a vacation without access to the Internet, stay at a place that has a business center or wireless access. Or let your teenager sleep occasionally while the rest of the family sightsees.
  

Father’s Day

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”—William Shakespeare, playwright

Every June, Father’s Day appears, and three out of four American families celebrate the holiday. The challenge for parents, however, is to not have unrealistic expectations about the holiday that result in a letdown. To make Father’s Day more meaningful, consider these ideas.

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For all parents

• Instead of thinking of the holiday as one that celebrates only dads, think of it as a family day. What activities can you do as a family to enjoy being together? If you don’t have custody of your child today, call your child and say hello. For more ideas on how to stay connected, read Stay Close, http://mvparentstore.search-institute.org/product.php?productid=16143.
  


• Hang out with your kids today. Join in with what they enjoy doing, such as shooting hoops, playing video games, or making something together. If you don’t know how to play a certain video game, ask your child to teach you.
  


• Tell stories about what you love or admire about your kids. Remember times when they were younger that made you proud.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Spend time playing with your kids today. Dr. Stanley Greenspan says that spending 30 minutes of floor time (getting down on the floor and playing with your kids) has the most benefits. Instead of dictating what to play, ask your children what they want to do, and play on their terms.
  
  
• Go on an outing with your child that gets your child excited, such as visiting the zoo, going to a playground, or seeing an exhibit at a children’s museum.
  
  
• Follow the timeframe of your child. Young children thrive on routine, and they need naps, snacks, downtime, and stimulating time. Make sure your Father’s Day activities fit into their routines.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Do an activity at home that your child would love for you to participate in, such as building a fort in the living room. Make a fort out of blankets draped over chairs. Crawl in the fort with your child and read picture books aloud by flashlight.
  
  
• Visit or call your dad. Show your kids how important all the generations are by staying in touch in some way.
  


• If you’re a mom, encourage your kids to make Father’s Day cards and gifts. Or take your kids shopping to buy something for Dad. If Dad is out of the picture, consider doing something to celebrate Grandpa.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Encourage your kids to do something nice for Dad, such as washing his car, helping out with his garden, going fishing with him, or giving him a neck rub.
  


• Realize that preteens can be moody, so don’t let your child’s mood determine how good or bad Father’s Day turns out. If your child isn’t in a good mood, be patient and focus more on another child or another activity.
  


• If your children don’t have much (or any) contact with their dad, connect with another positive male role model, such as a grandpa, an uncle, a neighbor, or someone in your congregation. All kids need male and female role models, and the more they have, the better.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Watch for subtle clues from your teenager about how much he or she wants to connect. For example, if your family goes out to a movie, ask your teenager whom he or she wants to sit with. Don’t be surprised if your teenager wants to sit far from your family—or if your teenager insists on sitting with only one sibling or one parent (and no one else in the family). Respect your teen’s wishes.
  
  
• Think back to when you were a teenager. What kind of relationship did you have with your dad? How does that relationship affect your relationship with your child? For more tips, read the article at http://www.parentingteensonline.com/article/show/title/Tips_for_Fathers.
  
  
• Organize an outing with your teenager’s best friend and his or her father. Go out to eat. Go to a concert together. Do something fun that everyone will enjoy.
  

Welcome to MVParents blog

Hello and welcome to Search Institute’s MVParents blog. My name is Lynette Ward, marketing and sales director for Search Institute (I’ve worked at Search Institute for 11 years), mom of three grown children and grandmother of two. I'll be hosting this blog to respond to your comments and questions, and I hope to get to know you.

Now a bit about Search Institute: we are a nonprofit organization that has provided research about positive child and adolescent development for 50 years. In addition, Search Institute creates practical products based on this research. MVParents.com provides parenting information based on Search Institute’s Developmental Assets, the building blocks for growing up successfully. To learn more about Search Institute or Developmental Assets, visit www.search-institute.org.

One more thing—the author of our MVParents weekly newsletter and blog post is Jolene Roehlkepartain. She is the author or co-author of 35 books for parents, educators, young people, and youth workers. Find out more about Jolene at her website www.booksbyjolene.com.

Now you know a little about me, MVParents, and Search Institute. Tell me a bit about you, your family, and what you think of MVParents.com.

Music

“Everyone has a song inside. It’s a matter of whether it can be brought out.”—June Kuramoto, musician and master of the koto, a Japanese instrument

No matter the age, everyone has some type of favorite music. Babies respond to certain sounds and music. Toddlers and preschoolers love to dance. As children get older, their musical preferences deepen, and many spend their days with their ears wired to mp3 players. Whether your child plays a musical instrument or not, tap into the power of music with these ideas.

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For all parents

• You don’t have to be musical to enjoy music. Put on music in the background when you eat together as a family. Let each family member take turns choosing the music played.
  


• Occasionally put on your favorite piece of music in front of your kids. Sing along with it. Dance to it. Talk about why that music touches your soul. Then ask your kids to put on their favorite piece of music.
  
  
• If you play an instrument (or played one in the past), take it out and play it. Choose to make music instead of watching TV so that your kids see that music has a priority in your life. If you no longer own the instrument, show pictures to your kids of you playing the instrument. Talk about why you enjoyed that instrument and how long you played.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Play different types of musical styles and see how your child responds to each one. Try folk, classical, country, rock, jazz, and other musical styles. If your child becomes upset, turn it off right away. Play what your child enjoys.
  
  
• Check out music for young children from the library, such as music by Raffi, Baby Genius, Music for Little People, Susie Tallman, and Greg & Steve. Ask the librarian for other recommendations.
  
  
• Sing to your child (even if you can’t sing). Dance with your child. Fill your home life with music.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• If possible, let children have their own music player and choose the music they want to listen to. Or let them have a radio and find a station that has children’s music.
  
  
• Expose your children to live music. Take them to free outdoor concerts in the park. (Many communities offer these.) Attend school concerts, which also are usually free. (They’re often listed in your school district’s calendar.)
  
  
• Have fun with music. With your children’s favorites, make up new lyrics, sing the songs at different tempos, or create dance steps.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• If your child is interested in playing a band or orchestra instrument, check out a library book on different instruments. Look at different possibilities on the Internet. If possible, see if your child can listen to different instruments being played. (High school students often visit schools on a specific day to show kids their instruments.)
  
  
• Don’t feel pressured to buy an instrument. Ask if your school or a local music store rents instruments. Sometimes you can borrow instruments from other families that have an instrument stored in the attic.
  
  
• During puberty, kids often change their musical tastes. If you want your child to continue playing a musical instrument, allow him or her to switch once. Many teenagers start out with standard band and orchestra instruments and then want to play percussion, electric keyboard, or electric guitar as they get older. Continue encouraging their musical expression, even if you don’t agree with their taste in music.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Encourage teenagers to go deeper with their music. If they play an instrument, continue to provide lessons and have them practice on a regular basis. Talk about why scales, etudes, and other techniques help build their musical skills.
  
  
• Continue to attend concerts, recitals, and other musical performances. If your teenager doesn’t want you making a big deal, say that you want to be supportive and will sit in the back.
  
  
• Ask your teenagers about their favorite music. Listen to their music. If they like going to concerts, find out more about the bands and performers they like.