Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tapping into the Best of Your Community

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”—Anthony J. D’Angelo, business founder

You live in a community, but how well do you know your community? Have you discovered what it has to offer your family—and your kids? More and more communities are becoming asset-building communities, and you may live in one without even knowing it. Find out the riches of your community with these ideas.

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For all parents

  • Find out if your community has a registered asset-building community by visiting Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up. More than 600 asset-building initiatives, called Healthy Youth • Healthy Communities initiatives, are now operating worldwide.

  • Discover what your community offers your family and kids through its parks and recreation department, community education program, community nature center (if your community has one), and schools. Although other community programs exist, you’ll find most of them through these departments.

  • Ask other parents what your community has for kids, especially if you’re new to the community or haven’t made deep connections with it. For example, you may learn that there’s a kung fu program or a great individual piano teacher the kids are excited about.

  • Visit your city or county hall and ask for information for kids and families. Many have brochures or catalogs that they can give you. Others can connect you with people who work in these areas.

  • If you’re interested in a religious community, a congregation often has many opportunities for kids and families. See what’s available in your community.

  • Connect with your neighbors. Focus on building community and connections with those who live closest to you. Over time, those relationships will be beneficial to you and your kids.

  • Find out if your neighborhood block participates in National Night Out. If not, take an active role on getting something started. Start small by getting to know a few of your neighbors, or enlist the help of the whole block (including kids) to have a barbecue.

For parents with children ages birth to 5

  • For young children, a sense of community is very personal. Help your family get to know neighbors and trusting adults in your community.

  • Watch for family events that your community sponsors, such as an annual carnival, an annual parade, or a family ice cream social. Attend these to meet other people and have some fun.

  • Form community by connecting with other parents of young children, such as through your child-care center, preschool, congregation, or workplace. Some parents create a short asset-building small group and use Taking Asset Building Personally Guide.

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

  • When you attend school open houses and other school events, meet parents and ask which activities they have their kids in and why. You often can discover a hidden gem that’s not advertised.

  • Participate in family service projects offered by your community, your child’s school, or your congregation. These are often one-time, easy events that help you make a difference.

  • Plug into small communities in areas that you care about. For example, if you care about education, volunteer to help out with the parent-teacher organization at school. If you belong to a religious community, make a deeper connection in your congregation. If you enjoy soccer, volunteer to be an assistant soccer coach. Get to know people in these areas.

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

  • As children enter puberty, they sometimes leave behind the groups of people and activities with which they’re familiar. Sometimes they gravitate toward something else, but sometimes they’re not sure where to turn. If they’re not sure, offer to help them find other opportunities.

  • Continue to connect your child with trusting, caring adults in your community, such as neighbors, parents of their friends, teachers, coaches, and so on. Kids feel more part of a community when people know them.

  • A number of congregations offer service projects and work camp experiences for kids at this age. These experiences not only help kids feel like they make a difference, but they also help connect them to other kids and adults who care about serving their communities.

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

  • If your community has an asset-building initiative, see if there are leadership opportunities for your teenager. Many of these communities have a number of leadership and other opportunities for teenagers. To find out if your community has a registered asset-building community visit Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up.

  • Encourage your teenager to go deeper into her interests. For example, if your daughter enjoys swimming, maybe she wants to get involved with the high school’s swim or synchro swim team. If your son enjoys theater, encourage him to explore the school’s drama club—or try out for a school play. Even though these are specific activities, teenagers feel more part of the community when they’re engaged and involved.

  • If your teenager is interested in sports or other activities, there may be opportunities for him to teach classes, help out with a club, or coach. If this is something your teenager might be interested in, explore your local community center or parks and recreation department to see if organizers are looking for teen instructors, coaches, referees, or umpires.

  • If your community offers a community service day, help out as a family, even if you can only volunteer for an hour. This helps everyone in your family see how they’re making your community a better place.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

When Parenting Gets Expensive

“The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.”—Flip Wilson, comedian

Each year, the U.S. government publishes how much it costs to raise a child from birth to age 17. The amount goes up every year. Researchers, however, have discovered that the amount your child costs depends on whether you’re in a single-parent or two-parent family and how much income you bring in each year. The research is clear: The more money you make, the more money you spend. The research also shows that all parents (no matter their circumstances) spend a lot of money on their kids to feed them, clothe them, house them, transport them, educate them, care for them, and keep them healthy. Here’s how to deal with the expense of parenting.

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For all parents

  • Most parents feel the financial strain of parenting. Learn more about how other parents in your income group compare to you by downloading a free government report on the cost of raising a child.

  • Consider getting involved with your school’s PTA (Parent Teacher Association), PTO (Parent Teacher Organization), or PTSO (Parent Teacher Student Organization) and learn more about budgets and fundraising. One group of parents, for example, got involved in a PTA and advocated for one school fundraiser a year that was accessible to all students (such as a read-a-thon or a walk-a-thon). They then got the word out and raised enough money to help fund items that some families were having a hard time affording, such as field trips or yearbooks.

  • Talk with other parents if you’re concerned about the rising prices of parenting. See if you can work together to create ways to ease the strain, such as three or four neighbors pitching in to buy one lawn mower to share or finding a few parents who love shopping for bargains who can pick up school supplies during back-to-school sales.

  • Talk with your kids about costs. Include them in conversations about the family budget or specific budgets, such as budgets for their clothes, school supplies, birthday parties, and so on. Most kids don’t realize how quickly certain staples (such as food, clothing, and shelter) can add up.

  • Ask other parents for money-saving strategies that they use.

  • Check out saving strategies for parents of young children published by Babytalk magazine.

For parents with children ages birth to 5

  • Parents of young children often assume that once their kids are no longer eating baby food and are potty trained, their expenses will go down. U.S. government researchers have found that expenses are usually lower when kids are younger and that expenses grow as kids grow.

  • With kids growing so rapidly, it’s not necessary that they have all new clothes. Visit second-hand shops or garage sales. Check with other parents who have slightly older children and see if you can borrow clothes once their children outgrow them. Some parents of young children pledge to pass along outgrown clothes to parents with younger children for free as long as they pledge to do the same.

  • A significant amount of money for young children goes toward child care or preschool. Although these costs go up each year, it’s always more expensive to care for a younger child (such as an infant) compared to an older child (a 5 year old). Some parents have opted for family care with their young children to cut costs while others have pulled a parent out of the workforce to provide care for their young children. Do what fits your family best, not only financially but also philosophically.

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

  • Parents are often shocked at the cost of school supplies and school lunches once their child starts attending elementary school. If you find that you can’t keep up with these expenses, find out if there are scholarships, subsidies, or other resources available.

  • Don’t underestimate the cost of activities. Many have a published cost to participate, but there are often additional hidden costs, such as uniforms, providing refreshments, and other fees. Always ask before you sign your child up for an activity.

  • Give your child a weekly allowance. Teach your child to save money to buy things she wants. That way, your child can learn that money doesn’t come in as easily as she might think it does.

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

  • You’ll find yourself buying clothes like crazy again when your young teenager starts going through puberty. It will feel like those early childhood days, except the clothes will be larger and much more expensive. If your child insists on wearing designer labels, give him a monthly clothing budget so that he finds out what it costs to buy the clothes he wants.

  • This is the age that many kids get braces, and the sticker price can be steep. Find out if there’s a payment plan so you don’t have to cough up the entire bill at once.

  • If your child joins a band or orchestra, you may be pressured to purchase an instrument. You can usually find places that will allow you to rent your instrument of choice, but if you wish to purchase one, ask how long your child can use it before outgrowing it. There may be more advanced instruments that your child’s teacher will ask you to buy a few years down the road.

  • Many kids at this age are very conscious about fitting in, and they will ask you to buy something because “everyone” has one and they have to have one too. Decide which items you are willing to buy, and consider having your child work toward certain purchases.

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

  • As your teenagers get their driver’s licenses, your car insurance rates will jump dramatically. Ask your insurance company if there is a discount for teen drivers who get good grades. Your teenagers may also want to buy a car without realizing that there are many other costs, such as gas, car maintenance, insurance, and repairs. Teach your teenager about the true costs of owning a car before letting her jump into this idea.

  • Most parents are shocked at the high cost of the senior year of high school. There are senior pictures, costs associated with graduation, college application fees, test fees, hosting a graduation party, purchasing graduation announcements, and more. Experts say this is only the beginning of trying to juggle the costs of helping your teenager launch into becoming an independent adult.

  • With many school districts facing budget cuts, parents are finding bills that they never expected, such as lab fees for science, fees for purchasing books for class, the need for high-cost graphing calculators, and higher costs for teens to participate in sports, music, and the arts. As a family, talk about what your spending priorities are. Discuss which budget items you can cut back on in order to fund the other ones.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Advocating for Your Child

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”—Sir Winston Churchill, British politician

As a parent, you’re your child’s most important advocate. To help your child succeed and grow up well, there will be times when you need to step in and stand up for your child. Of course, you gradually want your child to learn these skills as she grows older, but you’re more equipped to advocate for your child when it comes to maneuvering through systems and red tape. Consider these ideas.

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For all parents

  • Get to know your kids as well as you can. Which issues do your kids struggle with? Are there special needs? Medical issues? Learning differences? Something else?

  • To be an effective advocate for your child, you need to be talking to your child and understanding his perspective as much as possible. Sometimes your child will want and need you to intervene, and sometimes your child just wants your support as he advocates for himself.

  • When you advocate for your child, be ready to invest a lot of time. Systems often are not easy to move through, and it takes time to learn which people are key in helping you.

  • Connect with people who are willing and skilled to help. For example, if you have a child with special needs, find the individuals at school who can assist you with an Individual Education Plan (IEP). Visit The Parental Advocate for more ideas on advocating for a child with special needs.

  • Keep up to date on information about your child’s situation and condition. For example, if your child has asthma or severe allergies, learn as much as you can about the condition and how to keep up with the advancing treatments.

  • Stay on top of the paperwork and the timing. Some systems require an extensive amount of paperwork for you to complete and turn in. Keep copies of everything. Make a timeline of who to contact if certain steps don’t happen within timeframes that you were told to expect.

  • Create a team of advocates for your child. Every child needs caring adults who believe in her. For moving stories of how adults made a difference in the lives of young people, read the asset-building book Just When I Needed You.

  • Gradually teach your child to advocate for himself. This entails sorting through what you want, communicating what you want, and negotiating with others who may or may not give you what you want.

For parents with children ages birth to 5

  • Many child-care centers and preschools have set higher standards for behavior, and some even expel young children if they don’t meet behavior guidelines. If your child is on the verge of expulsion, meet with administrators to see if there are steps you can explore to teach your child appropriate behaviors and to allow more time for your child to learn these behaviors.

  • If your child has a serious medical condition, make sure every adult who comes into contact with your child knows about it. You don’t want to label your child, but you also don’t want your child to have a seizure or health setback because adults weren’t informed of her health needs.

  • Decide what you want for your child. Some preschools have become competitive and exclusive, placing high levels of stress on parents and kids. If that’s what you want, then work with those systems. If not, know that there are many alternatives, such as HeadStart or Montessori preschools.

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

  • Get to know your child’s teacher, bus driver, and adults who lead the activities your child is in. Build a relationship with these individuals. It’s much easier to advocate for your child when relationships are in place.

  • Pay attention to your child’s eating habits, sleeping habits, and moods. Sometimes your child may be having a hard time with something, and you’ll find out by asking questions because of changes you notice in your child. Ask and then advocate for your child, if need be.

  • Advocate that your child learns to read well. Spend time each day reading aloud to your child and having your child read aloud to you as he learns to read.

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

  • Even though it’s time consuming to attend open houses and parent-teacher conferences, particularly when your child has many teachers instead of only one, it’s an important investment into your child and her well-being. Learn what teachers and other adults expect of your child and then be your child’s guide in helping her meet those expectations.

  • Find out how your child’s interests may be changing as he grows. Then research ways to connect your child to activities and trusting adults who are involved in these interests.

  • Keep on top of possible problems and difficulties that can arise as kids get older. If you suspect your child is getting into trouble, step in right away. Advocate for the well-being of your child.

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

  • Talk with your older teenager about how she wants you to advocate for and help her. For example, some teenagers become overwhelmed with the college application process, and they’re happy when you research ACT and SAT test dates and help them sign up for these tests.

  • Even though many older teenagers like to advocate for themselves, sometimes it’s important for you to step in, particularly if there’s a serious issue, such as your child wanting to drop out of school or contemplating suicide.

  • Continue to be there for your teenager. Sometimes the best advocates are the ones who know how to listen, who create a home where teenagers feel safe, and who are willing to help out when teenagers ask for it.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Having High-Quality Parent-Teacher Meetings and Conferences

“One of the most important factors in a child’s success in school is the degree to which his or her parents are actively involved in the child’s education.”—James Coleman, educator

You can better help your child succeed in school when you take the time to get to know your child’s teachers. This becomes more challenging once your child gets into the higher grade levels and has many teachers instead of one or two, but it’s still essential to make these connections. Joyce Epstein, the Director of the Center on School, Family, and Community Partnerships, says children whose parents are more involved with their education are much more likely to do well in school. Here’s how to get the most out of parent-teacher meetings and conferences.

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  • Make it a priority to attend all parent-teacher conferences, even if your child appears to be doing well in school. This shows that you value your child’s education, and it also helps you get more specific information about what’s happening with your child in the classroom. A helpful book is Straight Talk about Schools Today by Judy Molland.

  • If the timing of a parent-teacher conference doesn’t work with your schedule, call the teacher and schedule another time instead of missing the meeting altogether. Most teachers are open to doing this.

  • Come prepared. Have questions ready. Create a list of questions that address the overall development of your child, not just her academic achievement. Questions might include: What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses at school? How does my child behave at school? What do you observe about my child’s friends? Is my child working up to her ability? How can I support you and my child more?

  • Share information about your child. Teachers will be able to make a more personal connection and play to your child’s strengths if they know him on a deeper level.

  • Let your child’s teachers know that they can contact you whenever something arises. Be clear that you would like to have open lines of communication.

  • Ask teachers which specific skills would help your child do better in school. Maybe your child would benefit from the help of a tutor, or maybe the teacher has a workbook or specific exercises that can help your child.

For parents with children ages birth to 5

  • Some child-care centers and preschools offer parent-teacher conferences, but not all of them do. If yours doesn’t, set up a formal meeting with a teacher every six months to find out how your child is developing and how you can support your child’s development at home. On an informal level, make a point of having a brief chat when you pick your child up at the end of each day. Let the teacher or caregiver know that you would like to be updated as often as milestones or problems occur.

  • Get to know the child-care providers and teachers by name. Be intentional about thanking them for the good work they do. As relationships build, you’ll both pass along information about your child, which will help all of you.

  • Take your child to the scheduled well-child checkups with your pediatrician. Many have checklists and information about typical childhood development for your child’s age. (If it’s not offered, ask for it.) This can help you know which skills you can teach at home and what’s normal—and what’s not.

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

  • If parent-teacher conferences aren’t scheduled until the third or fourth month of school, call your child’s teacher. Ask for a short meeting to introduce yourself. Even though teachers are busy, it helps to make contact early on in the school year.

  • If conferences are only for parents and teachers, ask your child what questions he has for the teacher. Bring those questions with you to the conference.

  • Arrive early. Most teachers have things for parents to look at while they wait. Look at the art on the wall. See if there are any notebooks or school work samples displayed. This will give you more information about how your child is doing in school.

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

  • Attend meetings with an open mind. This age group can easily get into trouble, and it’s easy to become defensive or to act intimidating when you’re called to the school to deal with an issue. Try to relax (which isn’t always easy), and find out how to remedy the situation by working with the school instead of against the school.

  • Don’t wait for conference time to talk to a teacher. Even if your concern isn’t major, it’s better to set up a meeting sooner rather than waiting until later.

  • As your child enters middle school and junior high, encourage him to seek out a teacher when he is having trouble understanding something in class. Although it’s important for you to be involved in your child’s education, your child can also start working directly with a teacher about certain questions and issues.

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

  • Continue to attend parent-teacher conferences, even if your teenager is more independent and doing well. You can often learn something new about your teenager, and your attendance shows that you value your child’s education.

  • Thank teachers. Send an e-mail or a note. Teachers work hard, and they greatly appreciate it when parents notice.

  • Take notes. During the high school years, there is a lot of information you need to help your teen succeed in school, such as taking tests for college, keeping track of graduation requirements, applying for financial aid for college, school trips, weeks when standardized tests are given, and so on.