Encouraging Healthy Habits

Children growing up in North America today are at risk of being the first generation in modern memory that will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents.

--Dr. David Katz, heart expert

The alarms have sounded. Health experts are greatly concerned about the overall health of our children and teenagers. They’re worried about how sedentary our kids have become. They’re concerned about our kids’ eating habits. They’re bothered that too many kids don’t get enough sleep. As a parent, it’s easy to become paralyzed by what the health experts are saying, especially since many kids seem to slip in and out of good health habits (while others seems to gravitate toward more bad health habits than good). Yet there are many things you can do to help your kids get on the right track and keep from sliding too far into bad health habits.

Tips for . . .

· all parents

o Recognize that health habits change constantly.

o Make health habits fun.

o Celebrate small successes.

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· parents with children ages birth to 5

o Encourage healthy habits from an early age.

o Do physical activities together.

o Be patient during power struggles.

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· parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Create a fruit and vegetable chart.

o Talk about the importance of learning to swim.

o Have your child help you cook.

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· parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Monitor your child’s consumption of soda.

o Continue to encourage your child to be active.

o Make sure your child gets enough sleep.

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· parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Keep monitoring activity and eating habits.

o Make family meals a priority.

o Ask your teen about the kinds of physical activity he or she enjoys.

Read more . . .

Visit MVParents.com and read more in Raising Healthy Kids , our newest Everyday Issues resource.

When Kids Spend, Spend, Spend and Want More, More, More

Never spend your money before you have earned it.
--Thomas Jefferson, former U.S. President

“Could I get five bucks?” “A twenty?” “I need money for this.” “I need money for that.” As a parent, you hear these pleas from your children. Some ask for money more often than others, but all kids ask. How can you help your kids live within their means? How do you help your kids avoid overspending? How can you teach your kids not to pester you for money so often? Consider these ideas.

Tips for . . .

• all parents

o Be intentional and consistent with money.

o Encourage family members to slow down spending.

o Model savvy spending habits.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Create money boxes for your child.

o Help preschoolers recognize different coins.

o Teach young children that once money is spent, it’s gone.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Talk about advertising and its influence.

o Start giving your child an allowance.

o Help your kids learn to save.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Connect your child with adults who need odd jobs done.

o Encourage your son or daughter to save.

o Offer to pay for school activities.

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• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Be clear about your expectations for further education expenses.

o Encourage your child to spend only a part of his or her earnings.

o Introduce new money skills.

Read more . . .

** Visit MVParents.com and read more about Helping Kids Make Good Money Choices, our newest Parenting Matters resource. **

Excuses, Excuses: When Your Child Is Full of Them

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.

--Don Wilder, American speaker

You want your child to do something. Your child doesn’t do it, and when you ask why, she’s full of excuses and reasons why she can’t. All the while you’re thinking that if she just did it instead of making up excuses, it would be done by now. Here’s how to move kids to action.

Tips for

· all parents

o Figure out consequences for when your child refuses to take responsibility.

o Create routines in which responsibility comes first.

o Keep a sense of humor.

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· parents with children ages birth to 5

o Go along with your child’s fantasies and work them into responsibilities.

o Give young children a notice before transition.

o Work responsibilities into your daily routine.

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· parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Create a balance between home and school.

o Make a game about excuses.

o Teach kids the difference between real and lazy excuses.

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· parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Set family guidelines about responsibility.

o Break down responsibilities into smaller pieces.

o Take away a privilege, if needed.

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· parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Congratulate your teen on their accomplishments.

o Make sure everyone in your family is doing their fair share of work.

o Explain that everyone needs a balance of fun and responsibility.

Read more . . .

What Your Kids Are Learning from You

Whether you want to or not, you do serve as a role model.
--Brooks Robinson, American baseball player

What are your kids learning from you? As parents, we hope they’re picking up good habits and learning how to be caring, principled people. Yet, no parent is perfect. We have our strengths and our weaknesses. The better we know ourselves, the better we’ll parent our kids.

Tips for

• all parents

o Get to know yourself more. What are you good at? What do you struggle with?

o Be intentional about how you parent.

o Notice how you treat the mistakes you make.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Think of your child as a mirror that is reflecting everything you do.

o Pay attention to behaviors your child picks up from other adults.

o Monitor your own stress level.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Don’t be surprised if your child points out your inconsistencies.

o Model strong work habits.

o Get your family involved with service projects.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Stand up for yourself without putting down your child.

o Model positive ways to interact with peers.

o Discuss the learning and growing that you experience.

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• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Begin to discuss the complexities of being human.

o Ask your teenager what makes it difficult to be a teenager.

o Work to be a good role model for your child.

Read more . . .

Discussing Current Events with Your Kids

Discussing Current Events with Your Kids

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.”—Nelson Mandela, former South African president

As a parent, you walk a tightrope when it comes to current events. On one hand, you want your child to become more aware of the world. On the other hand, you want to shield your child from horrific news. You actually can do both by considering these ideas.

Tips for

• all parents

o Consider subscribing to a daily newspaper or a weekly newsmagazine.

o Consider adding the Happy News to your daily news intake.

o Talk about which aspects of news you find fascinating.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Shield your children from bad news.

o Consider subscribing to the Sunday newspaper and reading the comics with your children.

o Teach your children about faraway places.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Ask about the writing curriculum at your local school.

o Find simple chapter books that help your child learn about the world.

o Find online news stories that interest your kids.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Show kids how to find governmental news through TV, radio, online, and other news sources.

o Build on your child’s interests.

o Maintain a balance between paying attention to the news and living your own lives.

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• parents with children 16 to 18

o Frequently bring up current events to discuss as a family.

o Find out which newscast your teenager likes the most and recommend watching it periodically.

o Consider subscribing to a newsweekly.

Read more . . .

Helping Your Child with Standardized Tests

“You can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can’t tell who the best people are.”
—Barnaby Keeney, American University President

Whether your child is young or older, he or she will have to take standardized tests. Over the past few years, standardized tests have only increased in number, and there’s growing pressure on improving test scores. All this can create a stressful situation for your child, particularly if your child doesn’t do well on standardized tests. Here’s how to help.

Tips for . . .

• all parents

o Find out when standardized tests will be given.

o Make test time a stress-free time.

o Monitor your attitude about standardized tests.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Ask questions about any standardized tests your child may be taking.

o Waiting until age six to start kindergarten is not a sign of failure for your child.

o Learn as much as possible about assessment tools.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Don’t be surprised if your child is tested when they begin attending school.

o Teach your child to take all aspects of school seriously.

o Incorporate test-taking practices into your child’s homework routine.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Keep tabs on your child’s attitude toward standardized tests.

o Find out if your child’s school offers practice tests.

o Remind your child that standardized testing is one one part of his or her education.

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• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o See if your local school or community offers test preparation classes.

o Remind your teenager that he or she can take the ACT or SAT more than once.

o Point out that all standardized tests are important, regardless of their effect on grades.

Read more . . .

When Kids Lie, Withhold Information, or Deceive You

“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on, I can’t believe you.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher

When they’re younger, children’s lies can sometimes be cute and entertaining. But as they get older, their lies can wreak a lot of havoc in your life and in theirs. Being honest—even when it’s hard to tell the truth—is an important lesson to teach your child over and over. The more you model and emphasize living an honest life where your words match your actions, the more kids will see that honest truly is the best policy.

Tips for

• all parents

o Talk about lies at a neutral time—when no one has actually done it.

o Choose your battles carefully. Not all lies are the same.

o Admit when you’ve made a mistake.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Young children often get their imagination and reality mixed up.

o Pay attention to your reactions when your child tells a “cute” lie.

o Read aloud books about honesty.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Get to know the other adults in your child’s life.

o Notice when your child lies, but don’t make a big deal out of it.

o Talk with your children about the fear of punishment and the temptation to lie.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Explain to your children how you want them to make their own decisions.

o Connect with other parents to keep track of your kids.

o Continue teaching and modeling honest behavior.

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• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Invite your teen to talk to you when he or she is ready.

o Monitor situations so you know when your teenager can handle it on his or her own.

o Discuss current events.

Read more . . .

Ouch: When Your Kids Treat You Like Dirt

"If you've never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
- Bette Davis, American actress

"I hate you!" The first time your child says this to you, you'll be shocked. As your child gets older, you'll continue to be stunned by how much your child can hurt you-and treat you like dirt. Although all kids have a mean side, that doesn't mean you become a silent floor for them to walk over. Take these moments (once you soothe the sting) as times to teach your child a number of important skills.

Tips for

all parents

• Your child is going to hurt you. That is a fact. As kids grow, they're going to get mad and frustrated and take it out on you. This actually is a good sign.

• Be honest about how your child's comment affects you-without shaming your child

• Be sensitive to what's going on with your child.

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parents with children ages birth to 5

• Show them better ways to respond when they're upset.

• Keep perspective. All relationships have ups and downs, and this is definitely a hard time.

• Try to become calmer as your child gets more upset.

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parents with children ages 6 to 9

• Learn to negotiate with your child.

• Your child is more prone to have outbursts and lash out at you when he is hungry, exhausted, or upset about something else.

• Continue to teach your child how to express anger in more appropriate ways.

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parents with children ages 10 to 15

• Be sensitive to what's going on in their lives, but continue to remind them how to interact in effective ways with others.

• Monitor your child's activity level.

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parents with children ages 16 to 18

• Frustrations mount when older teenagers go after a goal they've always dreamed of and then don't reach it.

• By this age, teenagers should have positive coping skills.

• Identify tough times. If someone in your family has died or has suffered a great loss, it's going to put extra stress on your family.

Read more...

You Want to Do What?

“You learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”—Franklin P. Jones, American businessman

You can’t believe it. Your child wants to do something…unspeakable. (Or your child has already done the unthinkable.) Throughout childhood, your child will get into things that make you gasp, and the way you react will set the stage for what your child will do next. Before you pull out your hair (or consider more drastic measures), consider these ideas.

Try it...

For all parents

• Growing up involves taking risks, and your child will sometimes take risks that make you bristle or get your child into trouble. Risk taking is partly about your child trying to figure out what’s acceptable and what’s not, and partly about your child figuring out who he is.
  
  
• Analyze how often you’re going into shock. If it’s more than a few times a year, either your child is getting into trouble too often or you’re overreacting. That’s why it’s important to have other adults in your life who can give you support and perspective.
  


• Keep talking with the parents of your child’s friends. Sometimes your child may be doing something that a lot of other kids are getting into. As a group, you can work together to reign in the behavior or give each other the support to be patient.
  
  
• Know the difference between what’s truly dangerous and what’s just pushing your buttons. For example, it’s upsetting when your child colors the walls with permanent markers, but young children often don’t know that this is wrong (until they do it and get scolded). If possible, direct the behavior in a different direction and explain why a different choice would be better next time.
  


• If your child is insistent about doing something you’re not entirely happy about, break the request into pieces. For example, if your 12-year-old wants to go to a concert with friends, work through which parent or adult will drive and which adult will also go to the concert. If your 17-year-old wants to go camping with friends, talk about adult supervision, your teen’s knowledge of camping and cooking out, and how she will get there.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Young children learn by exploring, which means they can find all kinds of wonderful things—and things that make your skin crawl. Encourage your child’s exploration of his environment, but also do whatever you can to keep him safe during his explorations so that he’s not sticking keys into electrical outlets or grabbing a handle of a cooking pot on the stove.
  
  
• Recognize that kids will get into things, no matter how well you childproof your home. Kids may still find the flour (and dump it on the floor) or find a box of bandages (and cover themselves with all of them). Some kids have even colored their arms and legs with markers. Be clear about what’s acceptable behavior and why, but don’t be overly shocked if your child does something upsetting once in a while.
  
  
• Always love and reassure your child after she has gotten into some type of trouble. Separate the bad behavior from your child. Say things like, “It’s not acceptable to lie.” Avoid statements like “Sometimes you’re such a bad child.”
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• As children start school, they can find themselves getting caught up with other kids. A group of kids may pick on another kid, or a group may have a water fight in the school bathroom. When these types of situations happen, be clear about what would be a better choice next time and also how easy it is to get caught up in the antics of a group.
  
  
• Children at this age may express their individuality in small ways, such as having a hair cut that includes a tail down the back of their heads or wanting to wear only orange. Some of these preferences may drive you crazy, but as long as they’re not hurting anyone, allow your kids to experiment and at least try to understand what’s motivating them to express themselves in this way.
  


• Be clear about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Some kids seem to have a knack for finding trouble. What’s most troubling is when they repeat bad behavior over and over rather than getting into trouble once and then learning from it.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Hair color. Hairstyles. Clothes. Accessories. These are ways kids can freak out their parents at this age. Maybe one kid wants his head shaved and another kid wants green hair. Work to negotiate with your child about these issues. Don’t squelch your child’s interests, but honestly talk through the issues. For example, some kids have sensitive skin and can have an allergic reaction to hair dyes. Also, hair dyes typically only last about six weeks before the hair starts growing out. Help your kids make informed decisions.
  
  
• Expect bumps along the way, particularly if your child tends to be a risk taker. Some kids are more likely to learn by trial and error, so proceed cautiously through their errors. If your teenager gets into serious jams, be there. Consider reading Helping Teens Handle Tough Experiences.
  


• Focus on your relationship. Even if your kids are doing things that make you squeamish, continue to keep communication lines open.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Listen to the wishes and dreams of your older teenager, even if those dreams scare you. For example, maybe your teenager wants to be a foreign exchange student, and you think it’s frightening for your teenager to travel overseas. Be open about your concerns, but don’t extinguish their passions, or “sparks.” To learn more about sparks, visit www.ignitesparks.com.
  
  
• Be clear about consequences so that when your teenager gets into trouble, he is the one who feels the consequences—not you. For example, if he gets a parking ticket, he should pay the fine.
  


• Continue to be there for your teenager. Make your home a comfortable, safe place to be, a place where she can always turn. Be supportive of her and be clear that you’re always there for her.
  

Tapping into the Best of Your Community

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”—Anthony J. D’Angelo, business founder

You live in a community, but how well do you know your community? Have you discovered what it has to offer your family—and your kids? More and more communities are becoming asset-building communities, and you may live in one without even knowing it. Find out the riches of your community with these ideas.

Try it...

For all parents

• Find out if your community has a registered asset-building community by visiting Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up. More than 600 asset-building initiatives, called Healthy Youth • Healthy Communities initiatives, are now operating worldwide.
  


• Discover what your community offers your family and kids through its parks and recreation department, community education program, community nature center (if your community has one), and schools. Although other community programs exist, you’ll find most of them through these departments.
  
  
• Ask other parents what your community has for kids, especially if you’re new to the community or haven’t made deep connections with it. For example, you may learn that there’s a kung fu program or a great individual piano teacher the kids are excited about.
  
  
• Visit your city or county hall and ask for information for kids and families. Many have brochures or catalogs that they can give you. Others can connect you with people who work in these areas.
  
  
• If you’re interested in a religious community, a congregation often has many opportunities for kids and families. See what’s available in your community.
  
  
• Connect with your neighbors. Focus on building community and connections with those who live closest to you. Over time, those relationships will be beneficial to you and your kids.
  
  
• Find out if your neighborhood block participates in National Night Out. If not, take an active role on getting something started. Start small by getting to know a few of your neighbors, or enlist the help of the whole block (including kids) to have a barbecue.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• For young children, a sense of community is very personal. Help your family get to know neighbors and trusting adults in your community.
  
  
• Watch for family events that your community sponsors, such as an annual carnival, an annual parade, or a family ice cream social. Attend these to meet other people and have some fun.
  


• Form community by connecting with other parents of young children, such as through your child-care center, preschool, congregation, or workplace. Some parents create a short asset-building small group and use Taking Asset Building Personally Guide.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• When you attend school open houses and other school events, meet parents and ask which activities they have their kids in and why. You often can discover a hidden gem that’s not advertised.
  
  
• Participate in family service projects offered by your community, your child’s school, or your congregation. These are often one-time, easy events that help you make a difference.
  
  
• Plug into small communities in areas that you care about. For example, if you care about education, volunteer to help out with the parent-teacher organization at school. If you belong to a religious community, make a deeper connection in your congregation. If you enjoy soccer, volunteer to be an assistant soccer coach. Get to know people in these areas.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As children enter puberty, they sometimes leave behind the groups of people and activities with which they’re familiar. Sometimes they gravitate toward something else, but sometimes they’re not sure where to turn. If they’re not sure, offer to help them find other opportunities.
  
  
• Continue to connect your child with trusting, caring adults in your community, such as neighbors, parents of their friends, teachers, coaches, and so on. Kids feel more part of a community when people know them.
  


• A number of congregations offer service projects and work camp experiences for kids at this age. These experiences not only help kids feel like they make a difference, but they also help connect them to other kids and adults who care about serving their communities.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• If your community has an asset-building initiative, see if there are leadership opportunities for your teenager. Many of these communities have a number of leadership and other opportunities for teenagers. To find out if your community has a registered asset-building community visit Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up.
  
  
• Encourage your teenager to go deeper into her interests. For example, if your daughter enjoys swimming, maybe she wants to get involved with the high school’s swim or synchro swim team. If your son enjoys theater, encourage him to explore the school’s drama club—or try out for a school play. Even though these are specific activities, teenagers feel more part of the community when they’re engaged and involved.
  
  
• If your teenager is interested in sports or other activities, there may be opportunities for him to teach classes, help out with a club, or coach. If this is something your teenager might be interested in, explore your local community center or parks and recreation department to see if organizers are looking for teen instructors, coaches, referees, or umpires.
  
  
• If your community offers a community service day, help out as a family, even if you can only volunteer for an hour. This helps everyone in your family see how they’re making your community a better place.