When Kids Lie, Withhold Information, or Deceive You

“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on, I can’t believe you.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher

When they’re younger, children’s lies can sometimes be cute and entertaining. But as they get older, their lies can wreak a lot of havoc in your life and in theirs. Being honest—even when it’s hard to tell the truth—is an important lesson to teach your child over and over. The more you model and emphasize living an honest life where your words match your actions, the more kids will see that honest truly is the best policy.

Tips for

• all parents

o Talk about lies at a neutral time—when no one has actually done it.

o Choose your battles carefully. Not all lies are the same.

o Admit when you’ve made a mistake.

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• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Young children often get their imagination and reality mixed up.

o Pay attention to your reactions when your child tells a “cute” lie.

o Read aloud books about honesty.

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• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Get to know the other adults in your child’s life.

o Notice when your child lies, but don’t make a big deal out of it.

o Talk with your children about the fear of punishment and the temptation to lie.

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• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Explain to your children how you want them to make their own decisions.

o Connect with other parents to keep track of your kids.

o Continue teaching and modeling honest behavior.

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• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o Invite your teen to talk to you when he or she is ready.

o Monitor situations so you know when your teenager can handle it on his or her own.

o Discuss current events.

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