Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ouch: When Your Kids Treat You Like Dirt

"If you've never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
- Bette Davis, American actress

"I hate you!" The first time your child says this to you, you'll be shocked. As your child gets older, you'll continue to be stunned by how much your child can hurt you-and treat you like dirt. Although all kids have a mean side, that doesn't mean you become a silent floor for them to walk over. Take these moments (once you soothe the sting) as times to teach your child a number of important skills.

Tips for

all parents
  • Your child is going to hurt you. That is a fact. As kids grow, they're going to get mad and frustrated and take it out on you. This actually is a good sign.
  • Be honest about how your child's comment affects you-without shaming your child
  • Be sensitive to what's going on with your child.

parents with children ages birth to 5
  • Show them better ways to respond when they're upset.
  • Keep perspective. All relationships have ups and downs, and this is definitely a hard time.
  • Try to become calmer as your child gets more upset.
parents with children ages 6 to 9
  • Learn to negotiate with your child.
  • Your child is more prone to have outbursts and lash out at you when he is hungry, exhausted, or upset about something else.
  • Continue to teach your child how to express anger in more appropriate ways.

parents with children ages 10 to 15
  • Be sensitive to what's going on in their lives, but continue to remind them how to interact in effective ways with others.
  • Monitor your child's activity level.

parents with children ages 16 to 18
  • Frustrations mount when older teenagers go after a goal they've always dreamed of and then don't reach it.
  • By this age, teenagers should have positive coping skills.
  • Identify tough times. If someone in your family has died or has suffered a great loss, it's going to put extra stress on your family.

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