“You can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can’t tell who the best people are.”
—Barnaby Keeney, American University President
Whether your child is young or older, he or she will have to take standardized tests. Over the past few years, standardized tests have only increased in number, and there’s growing pressure on improving test scores. All this can create a stressful situation for your child, particularly if your child doesn’t do well on standardized tests. Here’s how to help.
Tips for . . .
• all parents
o Find out when standardized tests will be given.
o Make test time a stress-free time.
o Monitor your attitude about standardized tests.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages birth to 5
o Ask questions about any standardized tests your child may be taking.
o Waiting until age six to start kindergarten is not a sign of failure for your child.
o Learn as much as possible about assessment tools.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 6 to 9
o Don’t be surprised if your child is tested when they begin attending school.
o Teach your child to take all aspects of school seriously.
o Incorporate test-taking practices into your child’s homework routine.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 10 to 15
o Keep tabs on your child’s attitude toward standardized tests.
o Find out if your child’s school offers practice tests.
o Remind your child that standardized testing is one one part of his or her education.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 16 to 18
o See if your local school or community offers test preparation classes.
o Remind your teenager that he or she can take the ACT or SAT more than once.
o Point out that all standardized tests are important, regardless of their effect on grades.
Read more . . .
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Helping Your Child with Standardized Tests
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
When Kids Lie, Withhold Information, or Deceive You
“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on, I can’t believe you.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher
When they’re younger, children’s lies can sometimes be cute and entertaining. But as they get older, their lies can wreak a lot of havoc in your life and in theirs. Being honest—even when it’s hard to tell the truth—is an important lesson to teach your child over and over. The more you model and emphasize living an honest life where your words match your actions, the more kids will see that honest truly is the best policy.
Tips for
• all parents
o Talk about lies at a neutral time—when no one has actually done it.
o Choose your battles carefully. Not all lies are the same.
o Admit when you’ve made a mistake.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages birth to 5
o Young children often get their imagination and reality mixed up.
o Pay attention to your reactions when your child tells a “cute” lie.
o Read aloud books about honesty.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 6 to 9
o Get to know the other adults in your child’s life.
o Notice when your child lies, but don’t make a big deal out of it.
o Talk with your children about the fear of punishment and the temptation to lie.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 10 to 15
o Explain to your children how you want them to make their own decisions.
o Connect with other parents to keep track of your kids.
o Continue teaching and modeling honest behavior.
Read more . . .
• parents with children ages 16 to 18
o Invite your teen to talk to you when he or she is ready.
o Monitor situations so you know when your teenager can handle it on his or her own.
o Discuss current events.
Read more . . .
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Ouch: When Your Kids Treat You Like Dirt
- Bette Davis, American actress
"I hate you!" The first time your child says this to you, you'll be shocked. As your child gets older, you'll continue to be stunned by how much your child can hurt you-and treat you like dirt. Although all kids have a mean side, that doesn't mean you become a silent floor for them to walk over. Take these moments (once you soothe the sting) as times to teach your child a number of important skills.
Tips for
- Your child is going to hurt you. That is a fact. As kids grow, they're going to get mad and frustrated and take it out on you. This actually is a good sign.
- Be honest about how your child's comment affects you-without shaming your child
- Be sensitive to what's going on with your child.
- Show them better ways to respond when they're upset.
- Keep perspective. All relationships have ups and downs, and this is definitely a hard time.
- Try to become calmer as your child gets more upset.
- Learn to negotiate with your child.
- Your child is more prone to have outbursts and lash out at you when he is hungry, exhausted, or upset about something else.
- Continue to teach your child how to express anger in more appropriate ways.
- Be sensitive to what's going on in their lives, but continue to remind them how to interact in effective ways with others.
- Monitor your child's activity level.
- Frustrations mount when older teenagers go after a goal they've always dreamed of and then don't reach it.
- By this age, teenagers should have positive coping skills.
- Identify tough times. If someone in your family has died or has suffered a great loss, it's going to put extra stress on your family.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
You Want to Do What?
“You learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”—Franklin P. Jones, American businessman
You can’t believe it. Your child wants to do something…unspeakable. (Or your child has already done the unthinkable.) Throughout childhood, your child will get into things that make you gasp, and the way you react will set the stage for what your child will do next. Before you pull out your hair (or consider more drastic measures), consider these ideas.
Try it...
For all parents
- Growing up involves taking risks, and your child will sometimes take risks that make you bristle or get your child into trouble. Risk taking is partly about your child trying to figure out what’s acceptable and what’s not, and partly about your child figuring out who he is.
- Analyze how often you’re going into shock. If it’s more than a few times a year, either your child is getting into trouble too often or you’re overreacting. That’s why it’s important to have other adults in your life who can give you support and perspective.
- Keep talking with the parents of your child’s friends. Sometimes your child may be doing something that a lot of other kids are getting into. As a group, you can work together to reign in the behavior or give each other the support to be patient.
- Know the difference between what’s truly dangerous and what’s just pushing your buttons. For example, it’s upsetting when your child colors the walls with permanent markers, but young children often don’t know that this is wrong (until they do it and get scolded). If possible, direct the behavior in a different direction and explain why a different choice would be better next time.
- If your child is insistent about doing something you’re not entirely happy about, break the request into pieces. For example, if your 12-year-old wants to go to a concert with friends, work through which parent or adult will drive and which adult will also go to the concert. If your 17-year-old wants to go camping with friends, talk about adult supervision, your teen’s knowledge of camping and cooking out, and how she will get there.
For parents with children ages birth to 5
- Young children learn by exploring, which means they can find all kinds of wonderful things—and things that make your skin crawl. Encourage your child’s exploration of his environment, but also do whatever you can to keep him safe during his explorations so that he’s not sticking keys into electrical outlets or grabbing a handle of a cooking pot on the stove.
- Recognize that kids will get into things, no matter how well you childproof your home. Kids may still find the flour (and dump it on the floor) or find a box of bandages (and cover themselves with all of them). Some kids have even colored their arms and legs with markers. Be clear about what’s acceptable behavior and why, but don’t be overly shocked if your child does something upsetting once in a while.
- Always love and reassure your child after she has gotten into some type of trouble. Separate the bad behavior from your child. Say things like, “It’s not acceptable to lie.” Avoid statements like “Sometimes you’re such a bad child.”
For parents with children ages 6 - 9
- As children start school, they can find themselves getting caught up with other kids. A group of kids may pick on another kid, or a group may have a water fight in the school bathroom. When these types of situations happen, be clear about what would be a better choice next time and also how easy it is to get caught up in the antics of a group.
- Children at this age may express their individuality in small ways, such as having a hair cut that includes a tail down the back of their heads or wanting to wear only orange. Some of these preferences may drive you crazy, but as long as they’re not hurting anyone, allow your kids to experiment and at least try to understand what’s motivating them to express themselves in this way.
- Be clear about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Some kids seem to have a knack for finding trouble. What’s most troubling is when they repeat bad behavior over and over rather than getting into trouble once and then learning from it.
For parents with children ages 10 - 15
- Hair color. Hairstyles. Clothes. Accessories. These are ways kids can freak out their parents at this age. Maybe one kid wants his head shaved and another kid wants green hair. Work to negotiate with your child about these issues. Don’t squelch your child’s interests, but honestly talk through the issues. For example, some kids have sensitive skin and can have an allergic reaction to hair dyes. Also, hair dyes typically only last about six weeks before the hair starts growing out. Help your kids make informed decisions.
- Expect bumps along the way, particularly if your child tends to be a risk taker. Some kids are more likely to learn by trial and error, so proceed cautiously through their errors. If your teenager gets into serious jams, be there. Consider reading Helping Teens Handle Tough Experiences.
- Focus on your relationship. Even if your kids are doing things that make you squeamish, continue to keep communication lines open.
For parents with children ages 16 - 18
- Listen to the wishes and dreams of your older teenager, even if those dreams scare you. For example, maybe your teenager wants to be a foreign exchange student, and you think it’s frightening for your teenager to travel overseas. Be open about your concerns, but don’t extinguish their passions, or “sparks.” To learn more about sparks, visit www.ignitesparks.com.
- Be clear about consequences so that when your teenager gets into trouble, he is the one who feels the consequences—not you. For example, if he gets a parking ticket, he should pay the fine.
- Continue to be there for your teenager. Make your home a comfortable, safe place to be, a place where she can always turn. Be supportive of her and be clear that you’re always there for her.
