Helping Kids Discover What They Love to Do

“Sparks are the hidden flames in your kids that light their proverbial fire, get them excited, tap into their true passions.”—Peter Benson, author of Sparks: How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers

If you were to name the one or two things that really get your child excited, that get your child ready to jump out of bed in the morning, what would those things be? For one child, it might be running outside to kick a soccer ball. For another, it might be making up a fantastical story. Someone else might love to tinker with a computer. Every child has at least one unique, worthy, and passionate interest or talent. Search Institute calls this passionate interest or talent an individual’s “spark.” Everyone has a spark inside—a spark that is good and important. Helping kids find and develop their talents and interests is about helping them become the best that they can be. Helping to ignite the sparks within our children will allow them reach their full potential and contribute to making the world a better place for us all.

Try it...

For all parents

• Learn more about sparks. Search Institute has done extensive research on the topic and has also created practical ideas on how to identify and nurture your child’s spark. Start at www.ignitesparks.org.
  


• Begin talking about your child’s natural interests and talents. Every family member has a spark—or a set of sparks. Discuss what yours are and how they give meaning to your life. Ask other family members about their sparks and how they’re going. Make “sparks” a common conversation starter.
  


• Be careful not to push your kids. Your job as a parent is to provide lots of opportunities and support for your kids. Assist, don’t direct, in this process.
  
  
• Get to know other individuals who are pursuing their passionate interests and talents. Sometimes, it’s helpful to find people who have a similar spark to yours. Other times, you can learn a lot from people who have a spark that’s different, and you see how everyone shares similar ups, downs, and discoveries along their spark journey.
  
  
• Support and encourage the sparks of your kids—and other people’s kids. Some people do this by becoming an assistant coach, a club leader, or just by asking kids how their sparks are going when they see them.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Notice what your young child gravitates toward. Is it building with blocks? Paging through picture books and making up stories? Dressing stuffed animals? Making your living room into a jungle gym and climbing over everything? These activities all give hints to what your child’s interests and natural abilities are.
  
  
• Create a daily routine that gives your young child structure but also allows for creativity to explore new things. For example, do an art activity, something physical, a story activity, and an outdoor activity every day. These can be simple, such as taking a walk to find bugs in the summer and stop signs in the winter. Pay attention to what gets your child excited.
  
  
• As young children grow, their interests can change. Make room for that. If they were in constant motion at age 2 and then want to do lots of art at age 3, follow their interests and don’t worry about the changes. These changes can be typical for some kids.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Continue to expose your children to new things so they can continue to explore new potential sparks. For example, visit different types of museums in your area—a train museum, a children’s museum, an art museum, a science museum, and a history museum.
  


• Give your children options for sports and arts activities. Sign up for one or two that interest them the most. Then have them stick it out for the duration of the scheduled season or activity and see what develops.
  
  
• If kids want to quit an activity, talk about their feelings and why they feel the way they do. Affirm their feelings but also teach kids that it’s important to stick with things, even if it’s for only eight sessions.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Don’t be surprised if your child begins to drop activities they’ve been doing for years. This is common for some young teenagers because of puberty and the rapid changes in their brains. For more information about this, see the book Magic Trees of the Mind by Marian Diamond, Ph.D.
  
  
• If your child does want to drop an activity, tell him he can do so only if he finds a replacement. This is an important boundary that also empowers kids to choose something new. Because of the changes going on in their brains, it’s tempting for many kids to drop activities yet be too self-conscious to add new ones. Reassure your kids, but be firm about having them find a replacement.
  
  
• Continue to emphasize the importance of practicing and sticking with things, even when they get hard or boring. For example, tell your child she needs to practice her instrument 30 minutes a day before she can have computer or friend time.
  
  
• Support your kids’ sparks by attending their concerts, games, and other events. Tell your kids that you’re proud of them and of the progress they’re making.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Make it a habit to check in with your teenager about his spark on a regular basis (such as once a week or once a month, depending on what the spark is). Ask your teenager where he is with his talents and interests. Is he excited? Has he hit some obstacles? What difficulty has he just worked through? Who supports him best?
  
  
• Thank the adults who support and nurture your teenager’s spark. Send them a card or an email and tell them how much you appreciate what they do.
  
  
• Continue to nurture your talents and interests as well. Teenagers not only learn about living the spark-driven life by experience, but also by observing the adults around them. Set a good example. When your journey isn’t going well, talk about it and how you’re dealing with the difficulty.
  
  
• Celebrate when your teenager hits significant milestones with her spark. For example, your teenager may be recognized at school or in the community newspaper. Or the milestone may be more personal, such as putting in 100 hours of volunteer work at the animal shelter. All these milestones are momentous and are important to recognize.
  

Get More Spark Ideas!
Sparks: How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers by Peter Benson, president of Search Institute, includes thought-provoking research results on sparks and practical ways to discover and nurture your teenagers sparks.

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Visit MVParents.com and read more about Sparks: Bringing Out the Best in Kids, our newest Parenting Matters resource.

Better Family Vacations

“There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” —Walt Streightiff, author

Everyone dreams of a perfect family vacation. There will be a lot of together time with family members enjoying themselves. Everyone will find time to relax and unwind, and everyone will come back refreshed. Yet anyone who has ever taken a family vacation has discovered that they’re far from perfect and that you never know what to expect. If you plan carefully, however, you can create better family vacations in which everyone comes home with fond memories.

Try it...

For all parents

• Adjust your expectations for family vacations. Instead of thinking of them as time to relax, think of them as family time where you may need to work a bit to bring the family together. (You can always take time off for yourself to unwind at another time.)
  
  
• Get everyone’s input on possible family vacations and activities. Your getaways will be more successful if everyone is involved in the planning from early on. Make sure the kids have a good say in what is planned, where you go, and the activities you want to do (and want to avoid). You may even need to plan one favorite activity per person so that everyone gets the chance to do something he or she really wants and the rest of the family can get to know that family member better.
  


• If you’re divorced, be careful not to get your children caught in the cross hairs of competing vacations. Some kids think it’s too much to go on two vacations (one with dad’s family and another with mom’s family) because it keeps them away from their friends too long. Balance your children’s needs along with your own.
  
  
• Be realistic about budgets. Family vacations can get expensive rather quickly. If your kids want spending money, let them know their budget before you go.
  
  
• If you have kids in two different age groups (such as a preschooler and a young adolescent), find activities that both enjoy, such as swimming or water parks. Also let each child choose an activity he or she really wants to do and have the whole family go along and enjoy that activity.
  
  
• Consider vacations with different goals. One year have a vacation that’s about relaxing and being together. Another time have a vacation that’s more adventuresome, where you’re exploring a national park or a major city. Another time, consider taking a family service trip during which your family volunteers and helps others.
  
  
• Whenever you take a family vacation, remember to expect the unexpected, have a sense of humor, and be open to surprise and discovery. This will help you keep your balance—and your sanity!
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Plan a vacation that is ideal for young children. Since young children thrive on routine, vacations that disrupt their routines can quickly turn sour. Some families spend their vacation time by staying at home (where young children are in familiar surroundings) and taking one special trip in the morning and one special trip in the afternoon, such as to a zoo, a children’s museum, a fancy playground across town, or water park.
  
  
• If you leave home, continue to follow your child’s routine. Make time for naps, snacks, bedtime routines, and so on.
  
  
• If you take a long car trip, consider leaving in the evening. Drive through the night while the kids sleep. This works best if you have two adults so that the adults also can take turns sleeping and monitoring kids. For more ideas on traveling with a preschooler, read Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Pack a traveling bag with activities that kids can do while traveling and on vacation. Include blank tablets, washable markers, puzzle and activity books, playing cards, handheld video games, books to read, and so on.
  
  
• Consider putting away several new activities (such as a new card game, puzzle, or board game) and wrapping it like a present. When kids get bored, bring out a present for them to open and discover.
  


• Be intentional about playing together as a family while you’re on vacation. The best part of a family vacation is being together and having fun together.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Encourage your teenager to bring a friend. This often will raise your teenager’s enthusiasm level greatly.
  
  
• You may need to rethink and redefine a family vacation for this age group. Don’t be surprised if your teenager is more enthusiastic about taking a trip to see a favorite music group, go to an amusement park, or visit a first-class water park.
  
  
• Consider taking two or three shorter vacations instead of one longer vacation. Sometimes teenagers are more agreeable to short getaways (so they don’t miss much time with their friends) than long ones.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Planning a vacation that a teenager wants to take with your family can be downright hard since teenagers often resist traveling with their families (or have packed schedules that make it difficult to get away). For ideas on family vacations that teenagers like, visit http://www.parentingteensonline.com/article/show/title/Family_Vacations_With_Teens.
  
  
• Talk about the variety of options for family vacations: visiting a major city, seeing a national park, taking a road trip, doing a family service project, digging up dinosaur bones, exploring historical sites, traveling overseas, or attending your favorite baseball team’s games on the road. Expand your view of possibilities.
  
  
• Allow your teenager some flexibility and independence on a family vacation. If your teenager can’t imagine a vacation without access to the Internet, stay at a place that has a business center or wireless access. Or let your teenager sleep occasionally while the rest of the family sightsees.