Helping Your Child with Standardized Tests

“You can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can’t tell who the best people are.”
—Barnaby Keeney, American University President

Whether your child is young or older, he or she will have to take standardized tests. Over the past few years, standardized tests have only increased in number, and there’s growing pressure on improving test scores. All this can create a stressful situation for your child, particularly if your child doesn’t do well on standardized tests. Here’s how to help.

Tips for . . .

• all parents

o Find out when standardized tests will be given.

o Make test time a stress-free time.

o Monitor your attitude about standardized tests.

Read more . . .

• parents with children ages birth to 5

o Ask questions about any standardized tests your child may be taking.

o Waiting until age six to start kindergarten is not a sign of failure for your child.

o Learn as much as possible about assessment tools.

Read more . . .

• parents with children ages 6 to 9

o Don’t be surprised if your child is tested when they begin attending school.

o Teach your child to take all aspects of school seriously.

o Incorporate test-taking practices into your child’s homework routine.

Read more . . .

• parents with children ages 10 to 15

o Keep tabs on your child’s attitude toward standardized tests.

o Find out if your child’s school offers practice tests.

o Remind your child that standardized testing is one one part of his or her education.

Read more . . .

• parents with children ages 16 to 18

o See if your local school or community offers test preparation classes.

o Remind your teenager that he or she can take the ACT or SAT more than once.

o Point out that all standardized tests are important, regardless of their effect on grades.

Read more . . .

You Want to Do What?

“You learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”—Franklin P. Jones, American businessman

You can’t believe it. Your child wants to do something…unspeakable. (Or your child has already done the unthinkable.) Throughout childhood, your child will get into things that make you gasp, and the way you react will set the stage for what your child will do next. Before you pull out your hair (or consider more drastic measures), consider these ideas.

Try it...

For all parents

• Growing up involves taking risks, and your child will sometimes take risks that make you bristle or get your child into trouble. Risk taking is partly about your child trying to figure out what’s acceptable and what’s not, and partly about your child figuring out who he is.
  
  
• Analyze how often you’re going into shock. If it’s more than a few times a year, either your child is getting into trouble too often or you’re overreacting. That’s why it’s important to have other adults in your life who can give you support and perspective.
  


• Keep talking with the parents of your child’s friends. Sometimes your child may be doing something that a lot of other kids are getting into. As a group, you can work together to reign in the behavior or give each other the support to be patient.
  
  
• Know the difference between what’s truly dangerous and what’s just pushing your buttons. For example, it’s upsetting when your child colors the walls with permanent markers, but young children often don’t know that this is wrong (until they do it and get scolded). If possible, direct the behavior in a different direction and explain why a different choice would be better next time.
  


• If your child is insistent about doing something you’re not entirely happy about, break the request into pieces. For example, if your 12-year-old wants to go to a concert with friends, work through which parent or adult will drive and which adult will also go to the concert. If your 17-year-old wants to go camping with friends, talk about adult supervision, your teen’s knowledge of camping and cooking out, and how she will get there.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Young children learn by exploring, which means they can find all kinds of wonderful things—and things that make your skin crawl. Encourage your child’s exploration of his environment, but also do whatever you can to keep him safe during his explorations so that he’s not sticking keys into electrical outlets or grabbing a handle of a cooking pot on the stove.
  
  
• Recognize that kids will get into things, no matter how well you childproof your home. Kids may still find the flour (and dump it on the floor) or find a box of bandages (and cover themselves with all of them). Some kids have even colored their arms and legs with markers. Be clear about what’s acceptable behavior and why, but don’t be overly shocked if your child does something upsetting once in a while.
  
  
• Always love and reassure your child after she has gotten into some type of trouble. Separate the bad behavior from your child. Say things like, “It’s not acceptable to lie.” Avoid statements like “Sometimes you’re such a bad child.”
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• As children start school, they can find themselves getting caught up with other kids. A group of kids may pick on another kid, or a group may have a water fight in the school bathroom. When these types of situations happen, be clear about what would be a better choice next time and also how easy it is to get caught up in the antics of a group.
  
  
• Children at this age may express their individuality in small ways, such as having a hair cut that includes a tail down the back of their heads or wanting to wear only orange. Some of these preferences may drive you crazy, but as long as they’re not hurting anyone, allow your kids to experiment and at least try to understand what’s motivating them to express themselves in this way.
  


• Be clear about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Some kids seem to have a knack for finding trouble. What’s most troubling is when they repeat bad behavior over and over rather than getting into trouble once and then learning from it.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Hair color. Hairstyles. Clothes. Accessories. These are ways kids can freak out their parents at this age. Maybe one kid wants his head shaved and another kid wants green hair. Work to negotiate with your child about these issues. Don’t squelch your child’s interests, but honestly talk through the issues. For example, some kids have sensitive skin and can have an allergic reaction to hair dyes. Also, hair dyes typically only last about six weeks before the hair starts growing out. Help your kids make informed decisions.
  
  
• Expect bumps along the way, particularly if your child tends to be a risk taker. Some kids are more likely to learn by trial and error, so proceed cautiously through their errors. If your teenager gets into serious jams, be there. Consider reading Helping Teens Handle Tough Experiences.
  


• Focus on your relationship. Even if your kids are doing things that make you squeamish, continue to keep communication lines open.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Listen to the wishes and dreams of your older teenager, even if those dreams scare you. For example, maybe your teenager wants to be a foreign exchange student, and you think it’s frightening for your teenager to travel overseas. Be open about your concerns, but don’t extinguish their passions, or “sparks.” To learn more about sparks, visit www.ignitesparks.com.
  
  
• Be clear about consequences so that when your teenager gets into trouble, he is the one who feels the consequences—not you. For example, if he gets a parking ticket, he should pay the fine.
  


• Continue to be there for your teenager. Make your home a comfortable, safe place to be, a place where she can always turn. Be supportive of her and be clear that you’re always there for her.
  

Having High-Quality Parent-Teacher Meetings and Conferences

“One of the most important factors in a child’s success in school is the degree to which his or her parents are actively involved in the child’s education.”—James Coleman, educator

You can better help your child succeed in school when you take the time to get to know your child’s teachers. This becomes more challenging once your child gets into the higher grade levels and has many teachers instead of one or two, but it’s still essential to make these connections. Joyce Epstein, the Director of the Center on School, Family, and Community Partnerships, says children whose parents are more involved with their education are much more likely to do well in school. Here’s how to get the most out of parent-teacher meetings and conferences.

Try it...

• Make it a priority to attend all parent-teacher conferences, even if your child appears to be doing well in school. This shows that you value your child’s education, and it also helps you get more specific information about what’s happening with your child in the classroom. A helpful book is Straight Talk about Schools Today by Judy Molland.
  
  
• If the timing of a parent-teacher conference doesn’t work with your schedule, call the teacher and schedule another time instead of missing the meeting altogether. Most teachers are open to doing this.
  
  
• Come prepared. Have questions ready. Create a list of questions that address the overall development of your child, not just her academic achievement. Questions might include: What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses at school? How does my child behave at school? What do you observe about my child’s friends? Is my child working up to her ability? How can I support you and my child more?
  


• Share information about your child. Teachers will be able to make a more personal connection and play to your child’s strengths if they know him on a deeper level.
  
  
• Let your child’s teachers know that they can contact you whenever something arises. Be clear that you would like to have open lines of communication.
  
  
• Ask teachers which specific skills would help your child do better in school. Maybe your child would benefit from the help of a tutor, or maybe the teacher has a workbook or specific exercises that can help your child.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Some child-care centers and preschools offer parent-teacher conferences, but not all of them do. If yours doesn’t, set up a formal meeting with a teacher every six months to find out how your child is developing and how you can support your child’s development at home. On an informal level, make a point of having a brief chat when you pick your child up at the end of each day. Let the teacher or caregiver know that you would like to be updated as often as milestones or problems occur.
  
  
• Get to know the child-care providers and teachers by name. Be intentional about thanking them for the good work they do. As relationships build, you’ll both pass along information about your child, which will help all of you.
  
  
• Take your child to the scheduled well-child checkups with your pediatrician. Many have checklists and information about typical childhood development for your child’s age. (If it’s not offered, ask for it.) This can help you know which skills you can teach at home and what’s normal—and what’s not.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• If parent-teacher conferences aren’t scheduled until the third or fourth month of school, call your child’s teacher. Ask for a short meeting to introduce yourself. Even though teachers are busy, it helps to make contact early on in the school year.
  


• If conferences are only for parents and teachers, ask your child what questions he has for the teacher. Bring those questions with you to the conference.
  
  
• Arrive early. Most teachers have things for parents to look at while they wait. Look at the art on the wall. See if there are any notebooks or school work samples displayed. This will give you more information about how your child is doing in school.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Attend meetings with an open mind. This age group can easily get into trouble, and it’s easy to become defensive or to act intimidating when you’re called to the school to deal with an issue. Try to relax (which isn’t always easy), and find out how to remedy the situation by working with the school instead of against the school.
  
  
• Don’t wait for conference time to talk to a teacher. Even if your concern isn’t major, it’s better to set up a meeting sooner rather than waiting until later.
  
  
• As your child enters middle school and junior high, encourage him to seek out a teacher when he is having trouble understanding something in class. Although it’s important for you to be involved in your child’s education, your child can also start working directly with a teacher about certain questions and issues.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Continue to attend parent-teacher conferences, even if your teenager is more independent and doing well. You can often learn something new about your teenager, and your attendance shows that you value your child’s education.
  
  
• Thank teachers. Send an e-mail or a note. Teachers work hard, and they greatly appreciate it when parents notice.
  
  
• Take notes. During the high school years, there is a lot of information you need to help your teen succeed in school, such as taking tests for college, keeping track of graduation requirements, applying for financial aid for college, school trips, weeks when standardized tests are given, and so on.
  

Helping Your Child Get into the School Spirit

“Foster a sense of community among students.”—Alfie Kohn, American education expert

We want our kids to enjoy going to school (or child care). We want them to learn, to find friends, and to be excited about what happens at school. One of the best ways to foster a deep attachment to school is to help your child get into the school spirit. Here’s how.

Try it...

For all parents

• First find out what your child thinks about school. Some don’t feel comfortable with their school, while others get upset about certain aspects of it. Learn more about these issues. See what you can address. Help your child feel more at home at school before you encourage “school spirit.”
  


• Every school and child care center has a spirit to it, and teachers and students who enjoy being there create that spirit. Find out what your child enjoys about school. Even if it’s only lunch and recess, emphasize that. Lunch and recess are important social times, and having friends at school makes it more inviting to attend.
  
  
• Talk about what you admire about your child’s school or child care center. For example, point out the caring, interesting teachers. Or the first-class orchestra. Or the top-notch swimming team, the resourceful media center, the rich diversity of the student body, or the many after-school activities offered. Sometimes your child may take these aspects of school for granted. Help your kids notice what makes their school unique.
  
  
• Attend school events. Cheer on school teams. Admire the art made by the students that the school displays. Go to concerts and performances. Attend these school events with your child—or go to see your child in action.
  
  
• Purchase school attire and other items. If your school doesn’t offer these items, consider checking out the School Spirit Store.
  
  
• Find out if your child’s school has certain school colors and a mascot. Young children often get excited about the school mascot (particularly if it’s an animal), and you can all wear school colors to show your school spirit.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Child care centers and preschools often offer periodic parent and family activities. Attend these as often as possible. Your child (and you) are more likely to bond to a child care center or preschool if you know other adults and children there.
  
  
• If your child care center or preschool offers T-shirts for sale (or other items), buy them if you can. Children often are proud to wear T-shirts from their school, and they can be conversation starters for other people who see your child wearing them.
  
  
• Consider getting involved in a child care center or preschool parent board (or if your center doesn’t have one, see if you can start it). These boards often generate excitement by creating projects that help the school, such as building a playground (or buying new equipment for one) or recruiting elderly people to come in a read aloud picture books to the children (or rock the babies). Check out School Spirit Ideas if your school is looking for creative ideas.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Take a photo of your child in front of his or her school. Also consider taking a picture of your child with his or her teacher. Make an extra copy and have your child hang these photos in his or her room.
  
  
• If your child’s school has a playground, go there on the weekends (and in the summer) so that your child can play. This also helps your child get more into the school spirit and feel more home at school.
  
  
• Some schools have T-shirts, pencils, folders, or notebooks with their school name on them. Make a big deal of these items. Treat them with care, and encourage your child to use them often.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• At this age, kids start to become more aware of the high school colors. If you can afford them, invest in school shirts that your kids are excited to wear (hooded sweatshirts are often popular, as are pajama bottoms in school colors). Another idea is to buy shoes laces in school colors, which you can often find at arts and crafts stores or through the school, or if you know someone who enjoys knitting or crocheting, ask him or her to make a school scarf for your child in school colors.
  
  
• Continue to attend talent shows, concerts, games, and other school events, even if your child doesn’t want you to come. You can be in the background and not make a big deal, but kids do notice your support and your presence.
  
  
• Encourage your child to participate in before- or after-school activities. Sometimes these are not well publicized, so check with your school office for opportunities.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• School events often cost money, so consider creating a budget for your teen to attend theater performances, varsity games, and concerts. Although they typically aren’t too expensive, your teen most likely won’t attend them if they’re expected to pay. But many are happy to attend (and go with their friends) if you pay. If your teen enjoys a particular sport, such as varsity soccer or varsity football, find out if there is a season pass, which is often cheaper that paying by the game.
  
  
• Learn your school’s fight song. When you attend school events, sing along!
  
  
• Although school yearbooks, letter jackets, school dances, sweatshirts, and school rings can get expensive, they’re also important symbols that show teenagers’ pride in their school. Again, you don’t have to spend lots of money, but at least consider investing in the annual yearbook—or figuring out inexpensive ways for them to go to a dance. Or go to the arts and crafts store and buy inexpensive, plain T-shirts in the colors of your school.
  


• Subscribe to the school newspaper and/or the community newspaper and keep on top of the school news—or visit your local library and check out the latest issue for free. Then initiate conversations with your teenagers about what’s going on at school. They’re more likely to talk if you ask specific questions about specific topics, rather than asking the general, overused question, “How’s school?”
  
  
• Celebrate the times when your teen’s school is doing well, such as during sports championships, state music festivals, or even when your kids just have fun, such as at the homecoming dance or prom. You don’t have to go overboard, but teens notice when you’re proud of their school.
  

School Buses: Creating Better, Safer Rides

“Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with a half of a dozen lions—everyone but a school bus driver.”—Dr. Laurence J. Peter, American educator

Many kids get to and from school by riding a school bus, and that journey can determine how your child’s day begins—and ends. A number of communities have made the bus ride an asset-building experience, and as a parent, you also can make the experience better and safer with these ideas.

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For all parents

• Tell your children that riding a school bus is a privilege, not a right. The way they act on the school bus is important. They need to respect the bus driver and other riders, and they also need to follow the rules to ensure a safe ride.
  
  
• Model and talk about school bus safety. When you see a school bus, follow the rules by not driving around a bus. Give children time to enter and disembark safely. Visit the Web site, The School Bus Rules, for tips on school bus rules for parents.
  
  
• Find out if your school district has a list of bus rules or a student-parent-bus contract for everyone to sign. When everyone knows the rules, it’s easier to follow them and expect others to follow them as well.
  
  
• Be aware that the bus ride is one of the primary places for teasing and bullying. Find out how the school deals with bullying prevention on the bus in terms of expectations for behavior, the consequences for violations, and the training and support bus drivers get. Tell your child that he should not feel intimidated on the bus, and to come to you if that happens.
  
  
• Know your child’s route to the bus stop. Practice walking it with your child before the first day of school so that your child knows it well.
  
  
• Get to know your child’s bus driver. Introduce yourself on the first day of school and ask the driver for her name. When you see the bus driver, greet her by name, smile, and say how much you appreciate the work she does.
  
  
• Celebrate National School Bus Safety Week in the third week of October each year. For more information, check out National Association for Pupil Transportation.
  
  
• If possible, try to have at least one adult in your neighborhood stationed at the bus stop while children wait. If there are a lot of working parents, see if you can take turns to ensure there’s an adult to keep an eye on kids at the bus stop.
  
  
• On the last day of school, go out of your way to thank the bus driver. If you feel it’s appropriate, have your child make a thank-you card to give to the driver.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Some preschools and child care centers now have pick-up vans and small buses for transportation. If this is the case for your child, be clear that your child needs to sit in his seat at all times when on the bus.
  
  
• If your child has never ridden a bus, consider taking an excursion together on a city bus or on some type of mass transit. Talk about how the bus (or subway) helps people to get where they are going just like a car does.
  


• Keep reminding children to sit down as the bus moves. Many hop up when they see something interesting outside the window and can easily fall as the bus moves or turns.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Show your child the danger zone of a bus (which is about 10 feet around the outside of the entire bus). Explain how most accidents happen in this danger zone, which is why it’s important to be especially careful in this area and to get out of the danger zone as quickly as possible.
  
  
• If your child is afraid to ride the bus at first, consider riding the bus with your child. Or set up a time to volunteer at the school and accompany your child on the bus.
  
  
• Explain that the bus driver is like a teacher. It’s important for your child to listen and do what the driver says.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Kids at this age can get a bit rowdy on the bus. Continue to emphasize that they shouldn’t create unsafe conditions by being too noisy or moving around.
  
  
• Encourage your child to get to know the bus driver. Talk about how it’s not easy to be a bus driver, and your child can make a bus driver’s day by saying hello to her.
  
  
• If your child needs to bring a bulky item to school (such as a school project or a tuba or a double bass), consider giving your child a ride. Taking large items on the bus is not easy, especially if the bus has a lot of kids (which most do now because of budget cuts).
  


• Some kids enjoy riding the bus home with a friend. If your child wants to do this, check with the school office about what you need to do to make this happen. Some teachers or schools require a permission slip from a parent.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Some teenagers (especially those with cars) make fun of other teenagers who have to ride the school bus. Be clear that this is not acceptable. Many teenagers need to ride a bus to get to school, and one type of transportation is not better than another. In fact, point out how bus riders don’t have to pay for gas, car maintenance, or car insurance.
  
  
• Find out if your school requires teenagers to ride a bus to certain off-campus events, such as a college fair, a school dance, or a state tournament. Find out when buses are to leave and when they will return so that you know what to expect.
  
  
• If your teenager’s bus also picks up younger children, encourage your teenager to be kind and helpful to the other riders. Encourage them to greet and get to know the younger children, since many are terrified to ride a bus with so many “big kids.”
  

Creating an Ideal Homework Center

“Study from new books but from old teachers.”—Turkish proverb

Homework. Most kids complain about it, but kids who learn the skills to get their schoolwork done are much more likely to succeed in school. In Developmental Assets: A Synthesis of the Scientific Research on Adolescent Development, Search Institute research revealed that time spent on homework is associated with higher test scores, higher grades, improved scientific literacy, fewer behavior problems, and less marijuana use. You can help your child succeed by creating an ideal homework center in your home.

Try it...

For all parents

• With your child, locate a place in your home where your child can do homework each evening. This may be a desk, but it also may be the kitchen table.
  
  
• Together buy homework supplies. It’s better to have too many than not enough. (You don’t want a lack of pencils to become an excuse.) You don’t need to spend much money, but it’s helpful to have pencils, paper, a folder (or organizer to keep track of the homework), and erasers.
  


• If your child does not get a homework organizer from your school, create or buy one. Your child won’t be able to do homework if he or she doesn’t know what the assignments are. Getting organized and getting in the habit of tracking daily (and long-term) homework is a key skill to build in your child.
  


• What’s most important in your child doing homework well is not so much the amount he or she has, but how accurately homework is completed, the quality of homework your child has, and the thinking skills involved.
  
  
• Get more homework tips from the book How to Help Your Child with Homework by Jeanne Shay Schumm, Ph.D.
  
  
• Try to be present during your child’s homework times, especially when they’re younger. Sit next to them and offer to help them. Or if you have bills to pay, work you need to do from your job, or some other project, do it while your child is doing homework. Talk about how everyone has homework—even adults. Your modeling teaches your child a lot about the importance and value of homework.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Read aloud to your child every day—throughout the day. Although young children do not typically get “homework” (and developmentally, they shouldn’t), you can help keep them curious and learning by reading interesting picture books.
  
  
• Do something intellectually stimulating with your child every day. Go for a color walk where you look for specific colors, such as red, yellow, or blue. Bring in a snowball, or use an ice cube, and place it in a bowl for your child to see what happens as it melts. Visit a children’s museum.
  
  
• Remember to emphasize all parts of learning, not just memorization. Give kids time to practice cutting with child-size scissors, stringing large beads, drawing with crayons (or washable markers), jumping, running, and playing with other children. The kids who are most ready for kindergarten have been practicing all their skills: intellectual, social, emotional, and physical.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Attend back-to-school events and open houses at the beginning of the year to learn what teachers expect for homework. Getting on the same page with the teacher right away will help you know how to support your child in getting homework done.
  
  
• When your child does not have homework, have your child do a different type of learning so that he or she gets used to learning something extra every day. This can be as simple as reading a book or researching together on the Internet to learn why birds fly south for the winter, or trying a new element of art, such as drawing a portrait of your family pet. A helpful Web site for ideas is HomeworkSpot.
  


• Whenever you help your child with homework, be sure that your child is doing the homework (and you are not). Your role is to ask questions, give examples, and assist your child in learning concepts, not give them the answers.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• At this age, kids often throw out the homework skills they’ve mastered. Unfortunately, too many try to throw out homework all together. Be firm that homework still needs to be done. If your child wants to do homework in front of the TV while listening to an MP3 player, allow it as long as your child completes homework well and does well in school. If grades start to slip, set new rules where your child needs to focus more on homework and less on other distractions.
  


• Negotiate times for your child to do his or her homework. Some want a break after school. If so, set a time limit. You may also need to set limits on other things as well to ensure that your child is getting homework done—and done well.
  
  
• Keep in touch with teachers about your child’s progress in school. Many schools now have Internet portals where you can access your child’s grades, assignments, attendance, and tardies. If so, check this weekly (if your child is doing well) or daily (if your child starts to slip).
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• By this age, your teenager should have strong homework skills if you’ve been building them from an early age. However, some slip and others haven’t mastered certain skills. The biggest skill that many older teenagers often need is how to spread out long-term projects and how to study for major exams (such as the ACT, the SAT, AP and IB exams, and final exams). Pull out a calendar if your teen has trouble with this skill and have him or her break down these projects and test preparation into week-by-week (or day-by-day) chunks.
  
  
• Continue to offer your assistance for homework, but be clear about what you will and will not do. (Some parents end up pulling all nighters with their procrastinating teenager to help him or her get a project done.) One of the most helpful ways you can provide assistance is to proof papers and college essays. But work with your teenager to build in extra time for your feedback, in case you discover that the paper needs a heavy rewrite and not just a correction of a few typographical errors.
  


• Talk with high school counselors and teachers to create an academic schedule for your teenager from ninth to twelfth grade that challenges your teenager and deepens his or her skills. You want to keep your teenager growing (without boring or placing too much pressure on your teenager) so that he or she gradually masters skills to take the next step after high school.
  

School and Home Rules

“Children respond to the expectations of their environment.”—William Grier, educator

It’s hard to raise good kids when they have different rules in different places. A key way to help kids grow up well is by making sure they get consistent messages. To do this, find out which rules kids have at school and see how many of those school rules you can adopt at home. Schools may have different rules concerning clothing and dress and the use of electronics because working with a large, diverse group of kids is different than raising kids at home. Focus on what you can agree on and go from there.

Try it...

For all parents

• Ask the school for a list of rules they have for kids. Your child’s teacher, childcare provider, or school office will have a list of these rules.
  


• Schools and childcare centers are often great at creating behavior rules that are age appropriate for kids. Once you have the list, talk to your child about the list and how you expect your child to act in those ways at school—and which rules also apply at home.
  


• Be consistent in enforcing boundaries. Kids not only need consistent messages about rules, but they also need consistent reinforcement to show that the rules really do matter.
  
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Distraction is a key way to move babies away from inappropriate behavior. Once they get to be toddlers and preschoolers, however, distraction will no longer work and kids need to hear how to act.
  
  
• Check in often with caregivers about how your child is behaving at preschool or childcare. If your child is having difficulty in a certain area, work on that at home as well.
  
  
• Keep lessons simple and positive. Repeat simple rules. Avoid using threats.
  
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Attend back-to-school open houses. Find out what teachers expect of children in the class and how they want them to behave.
  


• When you have parent-teacher conferences, ask about your child’s behavior and character. Then work with your child to help your child succeed.
  


• Be patient in working with difficult behaviors. It often can take a child a long time to learn certain behaviors, such as sitting still in a chair, doing homework every night, and learning to raise hands in class instead of just blurting out an answer. Be patient, but also be consistent.
  
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As children enter puberty, their classroom behavior can change (and so can their behavior at home). Periodically check in with teachers to identify which behaviors your child excels at and which ones are more difficult.
  
  
• Continue to be consistent in how you expect your child to behave. During puberty, young teenagers test their parents (and teachers) even more. Don’t let them wear you down—or wear you out.
  
  
• Point out when your child acts in ways you admire. It’s too easy to get locked into power struggles and have all your feedback be negative. Focus on the positive as well.
  
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Check in periodically with teachers to see what type of character your child displays in class. Ask for feedback on how to help your child succeed from a character and behavior perspective.
  
  
• Negotiate rules with your teenager. At this age, teenagers are more willing to follow rules if they have a say in what the rules are and why.
  
  
• If you or your teenager objects to a school rule, talk about it. Encourage your teenager to write a letter to the editor of the school newspaper (or a newspaper column) if he or she thinks a rule needs to change and why.
  
  
• Be clear about what you expect and why. Teenagers are more likely to follow the rules when they understand (and accept) the reasoning behind rules.
  
  

Out-of-School Time

“Out-of-school time is a golden opportunity to engage youth in their own development and in serving their communities. Far too frequently, we leave this time to chance.”—Minnesota Commission on Out-of-School Time

Kids can get a lot of benefit out of programs and activities in the community or in schools during “out-of-school time.” But all opportunities are not equal. You can leave less to chance and do a lot to ensure that your child gets the maximum benefit from such activities—whether for fun, learning, childcare, or all three—by starting with the tips that follow.

Try it...

For all parents

• Focus more on activities that help kids have fun, learn skills, and get to know other kids and adults than on activities that emphasize excelling. Consider reading Einstein Never Used Flash Cards by Kathy Hirsch-Pasek and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff (www.rodale.com).
  


• Never punish your child by scaling back or cutting out activities in order for them to do better academically. Kids need to work hard at school, and they also need high-quality activities to grow up well.
  
  
• Keep in mind that youth programs and opportunities often are part of larger programs at places like community centers, settlement houses, community learning centers, full-service schools, and museums and libraries.
  (Suggestions from Youth Community Connections: Minnesota Partners for Healthy Youth Development, www.youthcommunityconnections.org.)
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Look for programs and activities that are fun for children. Programs that push children to excel can be harmful. The best programs for this age group are often ones that emphasize play.
  
  
• Make sure that childcare settings provide a warm, nurturing environment, with age-appropriate toys and equipment. If you have any concerns, talk with the director or supervisor. If you are looking for care, talk to other parents, guardians, and grandparents about where their young children go.
  


• Check out Head Start and Early Head Start. The mission of both these organizations is to support the healthy development of young children by providing services for education, socio-emotional development, physical and mental health, and nutrition for children in low-income families. You can find more information online at www.ehsnrc.org/.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Through local parks and recreation centers or community education, look for low-pressure, low-cost options such as beginning art classes, dance lessons, clubs, music classes, and other opportunities for youth to try new skills, be with other children, and have some structured time away from home.
  
  
• Encourage your children to try both team activities (such as chess club or sports) and individual activities (such as music lessons, swimming, or art).
  
  
• As best you can, support your children’s involvement by volunteering to help out, attending special performances or sessions, and getting to know the other parents and adults leading the program or activity.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Volunteer at your children’s school to lead or assist with a club or group such as chess, math, debate, DECA, Great Books, martial arts, Lego League, and so on. If your child doesn’t want your involvement, which can happen at this age, be involved behind the scenes, such as providing snacks for clubs or attending your child’s games (without cheering too loudly if your child finds that embarrassing).
  
  
• Make it easier for you and your child to be involved in out-of-school activities by coordinating transportation, snacks, supervision, and any other related tasks and commitments with other parents.
  
  
• It’s okay if your child wants to focus on one thing and work hard to excel at that. As long as your child is passionate about the activity, having one activity is just as okay as having a number of them.
  
  
• Present your kids with a variety of options for activities and help them think about which ones best fit their interests.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Encourage your teenagers to look for and ask about new or emerging leadership roles in organizations they have been involved with in the past.
  


• If young people become tired of something they used to engage in, encourage them to talk with the adults and other older youth involved about adding new elements or challenges to the program. Help them develop a strategy for how to initiate these conversations.
  


• Keep talking with other parents about how their young people spend their time so you have a broad sense of what’s out there and available. At this age you can’t make the decision for your kids, but you can certainly help them filter through the options.

Dealing with Report Cards and Assessments

“We can only do the best we can with what we have. That, after all, is the measure of success.”—Marguerite de Angeli, author and illustrator

It happens two to four times a year: you receive a report card or assessment of your child’s progress in school. The way you respond has a big impact on how much your child feels motivated to do his or her best at school. Consider these ideas to keep your child’s motivation high.

Try it...

For all parents

• Even if you have an emotional reaction to a report card or assessment, calmly talk to your child about the report. Be careful not to allow your emotions to set off a negative response in your children, which can be detrimental to their enthusiasm about school. If you are shocked by your child’s report card, perhaps you are not talking enough with your child about what’s going on at school, what kind of homework your child has, upcoming projects, and tests to prepare for. Stay engaged every step of the way and talk about how important your child’s education is.
  


• Talk with your child soon after the report card arrives. First focus on where your child did well. Point out your child’s strengths. Then ask your child about the areas where he didn’t do as well. Use the time to gather information rather than to punish your child.
  
  
• Set goals together that will motivate your child. Choose goals that are easy, simple, and doable. For example, goals could include, “I will raise my hand to participate at least one more time a day” or “I will ask my teacher or dad for help when I don’t understand something.”
  
  
• Make sure both you and your child understand on what basis a teacher’s grades are awarded. Knowing the rules will help your child be more likely to get higher grades.
  
  
• If your child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP), advocate for your child during every step of the process. For more information, visit Kids Together Inc. at http://www.kidstogether.org/IEP/IEPPlanning/IEPplanningreport.htm.
  
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Preschool and child-care assessments tend to focus on the overall development of your child, which is critical to your child’s success. Instead of pushing your child to memorize the ABCs, help your child develop in all areas, such as getting along with others (social skills), learning to cut with scissors (fine-motor skills), and paging through picture books and making up stories (imagination skills).
  
  
• If your child care or preschool doesn’t offer assessments of children, ask the teacher for a meeting at least once a year (or two, if possible) to get information about how the teacher sees your child’s development, strengths, and weaknesses.
  
  
• Your child most likely will show talent and skill in one area over another. Continue to stimulate your child in those areas, but don’t neglect the areas where your child struggles. It’s just as important that children develop physical coordination as well as intellectual curiosity.
  
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Hopefully school report cards will focus as much on your child’s character, behavior, and social skills as well as academic skills. If not, ask if you can meet with the teacher to learn how your child is developing socially, intellectually, physically, and emotionally.
  
  
• Place as much stock in helping your child develop social and emotional skills as well as literacy, mathematics, and other academic skills. How well liked a child is at third grade “has shown to be a better predictor of mental-health problems at age 18 than anything else,” writes Daniel Goleman in Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ. Kids with strong social and emotional skills often have better academic skills.
  


• No matter what kind of marks your child receives on report-card day, make the day one that you celebrate. Point out what you’re proud about, and set the stage for making report-card day one that kids look forward to instead of dread.
  
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Kids at this age are often shocked how quickly their grades can drop, and many need to learn even more study skills to do well academically. Monitor your children’s grades and also set firm boundaries around getting homework done and the importance of education.
  
  
• If your child is struggling in a class, call the teacher and set up a teacher-parent-student meeting. Talk through the issues before your child gets too far behind.
  


• This is a critical age when many kids can easily disengage from school. Don’t allow this to happen. Work with teachers, counselors, tutors, and other interested adults to keep your kids interested and enthusiastic about school. Explain that sometimes school gets hard, but when you work at it, you can feel good about the progress you make.
  
  
• Talk about how grades matter since colleges, vocational schools, and other post-high-school educational opportunities consider grades in deciding whom to accept. Grades typically start counting in ninth grade, but kids who learn solid study skills and get good grades in the earlier years will be more ready for ninth grade.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• This is another critical academic time for teenagers since it’s easy to disengage from learning, especially when classes get hard. Continue to monitor your teenager’s academic progress. Many schools now have online portals that will connect you to your teenager’s grades, attendance records, and homework assignments. If your school offers this, sign up and monitor it weekly. Encourage your teenager to monitor it as well.
  
  
• Continue to talk about how grades impact post-high-school graduation education opportunities. Be clear that these institutions also evaluate standardized test scores, co-curricular activities, and signs of leadership. Help your teen to develop a well-rounded resume that brings out her best.
  
  
• Monitor your teenager’s stress levels. Some find high school academically competitive and can psych themselves out. Others think high school is a waste of time and try to do the minimum. Talk about how high school is a key part of your child’s life and how he can make the most of it.
  

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Get more ideas on how to help kids succeed in school—visit: http://www.search-institute.org/downloads and scroll down to the Insights & Evidence report Boosting Student Achievement.

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