When Your Child Loses Things

“Riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession as they torment us with their loss.”—Epicurus, Greek philosopher

Sometimes your child can seem like a black hole. You give your child a backpack, a jacket, a camera—and then it’s gone. Your child doesn’t know where it is (and sometimes blames everyone else for the disappearance). How can you teach your child to hang on to things? Consider these ideas.

Try it...

For all parents

• Losing things, unfortunately, is developmentally appropriate for kids. During some rapid times of growth, many kids have a hard time keeping track of themselves, let alone anything else. So know that you’re not the only family dealing with this issue.
  
  
• Decide which items you can turn over to your child completely and which ones you want to monitor more closely. Many parents keep closer track of higher-cost items, such as cameras and hand-held video games. With younger children, you can bring these out for them to use, and then put them away yourself. With older kids, you can create a place for them to keep these items (such as in a specific spot in their room or in another area of your house) to help them keep track of things.
  
  
• Be clear that your child is responsible for items that get stolen or lost. For example, some kids think if they blame a thief, their parents will more likely replace an item. Be up front that it’s up to them to replace an item. This often will help them keep better track of their things. Or if they figure out where they left the item, have them go pick it up.
  
  
• Teach your child responsibility by trying the ideas in the chapter on Asset 30: Responsibility in What Young Children Need to Succeed for ideas from birth to age 11 and in What Kids Need to Succeed for ideas for ages 12 to 18.
  
  
• Be empathetic when your child loses something valuable. You want your child to be responsible, but you also want your child to see you as a trusted adult who truly cares about his or her ups and downs.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Create a bag or backpack that you take with you on outings that have items your child enjoys. Keep those things in that bag when they’re not using them so that you know where these items are.
  
  
• If your child loses a favorite blanket, stuffed animal, or other item, search with your child. Even if you don’t find it, your child often feels less stressed if you’re just as concerned about the lost item as he or she is.
  


• Be realistic about what this age can do in terms of responsibility.
  
  
• Keep family valuables far from young hands. Young children enjoy playing with keys, watches, remotes, purses, jewelry, and other items that you don’t want lost. Keep these items high on a shelf or inside a container that kids cannot get into.
  


• Consider packing away some of your valuables until your children are older to keep them safe from getting lost, or broken. Or keep them in a display case that your child cannot open.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Make it easy for your child to keep track of items for school. For example, have a one-two-three count. One is for the backpack. Two is for the coat. And three is for the lunchbox (or another item).
  
  
• Write your child’s first and last name with permanent marker inside of clothes, backpacks, and other important items. Most schools have a lost and found, and they’re more likely to help you get these items back if your child’s first and last name are printed inside.
  


• Create a place for your child’s important things so that they begin to associate that place for certain items. For example, maybe you have a hook for your child’s backpack and another for your child’s coat. Maybe you find a small shelf that will hold your child’s valuables.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• The onset of puberty can seem to rob your child of his or her sense of responsibility. Kids at this age seem to misplace everything. Many parents of this age talk about how they seem to have more items in their home that belongs to their kids’ friends than to their own kids! If this happens to you, consider creating a box to keep other kids’ stuff.
  
  
• Talk with your child about taking responsibility for keeping track of valuables, such as a cell phone, an mp3 player, or a digital camera. When you give these items to your child, give them fully to your child, which means that if your child loses them (or if the items are stolen), it’s your child’s loss, not yours.
  
  
• Teach your child to empty their pockets at the end of the day. Too many kids at this age leave valuables in their pockets, and then these items get ruined in the washer.
  
  
• If your child loses something valuable and cannot find it after a time, talk about how he or she can work to buy another one. Don’t bail out your child, but create a work plan where your child earns all the money to buy a replacement. This won’t be easy for you—or your child—but it teaches your child a valuable lesson about hanging on to things.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• At this age, your teenager may own some high-price items, which are not only easy to lose but are also tempting for others to steal. Consider listing these items as personal articles to your homeowner’s insurance. There’s often a small annual fee, but when these items are listed individually, they rarely have a deductible and will be fully reimbursed if your teen files a police report for stolen property.
  
  
• At this age, your teenager should be able to keep better track of things. Continue to build skills in areas where your teenager may be struggling, such as keeping track of a driver’s license (by keeping it in a wallet instead of just a pocket) and homework assignments.
  
  
• Be open and flexible about how your teenager keeps track of things. Some are quite organized and systematic. Others are more right-brained and spontaneous. If your teenager is not organized, talk about other ways to keep track of things, such as having a decorative bowl to place things in or getting a night stand to hold a wallet, cell phone, and so on. Encourage creative ideas so that your teenager keeps track of what’s important.
  

Helping Kids Thrive on Routine

“My only secret is that I always bear in mind what my father said: Do the smallest things in daily routine with enthusiasm and sincerity.”—Nerrisa Ng, artist

Whenever kids have time off, such as during the summer or the holidays, it’s easy for them to get out of a regular routine. All of their habits—from sleeping to eating to taking care of themselves—get out of whack. But routines are important to help kids thrive. Kids do better when they eat healthy foods at regular intervals, get enough sleep, get some physical activity, and know what to expect from their days. Routines help to ground them and give them a sense of security. Here are some ideas to helping kids understand the importance of everyday routines.

Try it...

For all parents^*

• Talk about routines and why they’re important. For example, ask kids how they feel when they don’t get enough sleep: What happens the next day? Child and adolescent experts say that having a predictable routine is key to helping kids succeed. Routines involve getting up in the morning, getting dressed, eating meals and snacks, helping out at home, personal hygiene, taking medication for chronic conditions, getting ready for bed, and sleeping. Kids who live in homes that don’t have predictable routines often have a hard time making transitions from one activity to the next, taking care of themselves, and following the signals their bodies give them.
  
  
• Model a lifestyle that has a predictable routine. What’s your morning routine? How often do you sit down for a meal? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? What are your kids learning from you?
  


• Although routines are better if they’re predictable, also work to make them fun and creative. Have family members occasionally sit in a different place at the dinner table. Stick a note saying you’re thinking of your child in his or her lunchbox. When you’re doing a family chore together, occasionally take a break to dance to a fun song.
  


• If you have joint custody, talk with your ex about daily routines for your kids. Try to create predictable routines that you both can agree on.
  
  
• Whenever you (or your child) move from time off back to a regular routine, try easing back into it slowly. For example, start getting up 30 minutes earlier every day until you’re back at your usual schedule. It’s often easier to get up earlier than to try to go to bed when you’re not tired.
  
  
• Encourage your child to help other family members with their daily routines, such as reading a book aloud to a sibling, calling a grandparent to wish him or her goodnight, or walking the dog.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Respond immediately to infants’ cries and meet their needs. By the time infants are three months old, many have established a daily rhythm. Sleeping through the night is one of the first boundaries you can set once children are physically able to do so.
  
  
• Have your children participate in meaningful ways during regular routines. They can put out napkins and cups at dinner time, help pick up toys before you vacuum the floor, and choose books for bedtime reading.
  


• As children get older, expect them to balk at daily routines. Some will refuse to eat during meals. Others will resist taking a bath. Try creative ideas to entice them to do these activities, such as getting down on the floor on all fours and having your child ride you like a camel to the bathtub.
  
  
• If your child attends a child-care center or preschool, ask for a copy of the daily schedule. On weekends, try to follow it so your child knows when it’s naptime, lunchtime, and playtime.
  
  
• Read aloud a picture book to your child every night before bed.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Don’t be surprised if children find the daily school routine exhausting at first. Many come home the first week—and even the first month—needing a nap. Let them incorporate a nap into their daily routine if they need to.
  
  
• Continue talking about healthy eating habits during meals. As children get older, they often crave foods that are unhealthy. Set limits on unhealthy foods and don’t keep many in the house.
  


• Even when your child starts to read, continue reading a book (or a chapter of a book) before bed. Give your child a choice: you read, he or she reads, or the two of you take turns.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Kids at this age start to resist many (if not all) aspects of daily routines. Be patient when they push the boundaries, but continue to be firm about why routines are important. For example say, “Getting a good night’s sleep helps you be more alert during the day.” “Getting exercise makes you healthy.” “Flossing your teeth helps prevent cavities.”
  
  
• Be open about new hygiene routines that your child needs to adopt as he or she grows, such as using deodorant, shaving, brushing and flossing in new ways with braces, wearing headgears and retainers, and so on.
  
  
• At this age, kids tend to push the boundaries with sleepovers. Don’t be surprised if they stay up all night. Be clear about what they can and cannot do during these sleepovers (such as staying in the house, not making noise to wake up others, and not calling friends after a certain time).
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• A number of teenagers easily get sick and some come down with mononucleosis because they get overly tired. If your teenager chronically goes to bed late, try these tips (from ParentingTeensOnline):
  
  
  • Tell them there's a new policy in the house on bedtime and wake time
  • Give them a week or so leeway to adjust to it
  • Don't immediately drive them to school when they miss the bus
  • Take away other privileges, like cell phones or Internet access if they refuse or won't comply
  • Offer an incentive for consistently on-time behavior.
  
  
• Learn to let go. Older teenagers are becoming more independent, and they’ll make choices about eating, sleeping, and how they spend their time. Talk about any concerns you have, but let them make their own choices. If their choices affect you, be clear about that. You can’t make a teenager eat with you or go to bed at a certain time, but you can say that it’s important that the only noise going on during meals is at the family table and that your home needs to be quiet for those sleeping between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. (or whatever time you set).
  
  
• Monitor your teen’s health and encourage good health habits, such as eating right, having down time, and exercising. Although many teens throw out good health habits, keep modeling good health habits yourself. Invite your teenager to try new foods (or eat more fruits and vegetables). Encourage your teenager to join you for a family walk (or workout). Talk about why a regular routine helps individuals be at their best.

* Suggestions from Youth Community Connections: Minnesota Partners for Healthy Youth Development, www.youthcommunityconnections.org.