Teaching Kids How to Stay Safe

“The door to safety swings on the hinges of common sense.”—Anonymous

It’s tempting to teach kids safety with one phrase: Watch out for stranger danger. Yet, according to the Mayo Clinic, strangers commit only 15 percent of kidnappings. Plus, you want your kid to protect themselves in many ways, not just from kidnappers. Although the world can sometimes seem scary, you can teach your kids how to protect themselves. Here’s how.

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For all parents

• When teaching kids how to protect themselves, don’t frighten them. Don’t tell them about terrifying news, frightening stories, and scary statistics. Instead, build their confidence by building their skills.
  
  
• Build the 40 Developmental Assets in your kids. According to the Jacob Wetterling Foundation, “Adults can protect their children from victimization by giving them positive identities and values, appropriate boundaries and expectations, and the support they need to flourish.” These are all categories of Developmental Assets.
  
  
• Teach kids to pay attention to what scares them. Gavin de Becker, the author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence suggests that we pay attention to when our hearts race, when we get nagging feelings, and when we hesitate. These all could signal that something is wrong and we need to pay attention.
  
  
• If you’re divorced and have a contentious relationship with your ex, your ex could be the biggest threat to your child. Keep tabs on your ex. Be clear at school, child care, and other places where your child goes if your ex is not supposed to pick up or visit your child.
  
  
• Monitor your children regularly. While you teach kids skills on how to protect themselves, they still need caring adults who know where they are going, who they are with, and what they are doing. This includes when kids are at home and surfing the Internet or they’re quiet behind closed doors. Yes, kids need their privacy, but as a parent, you should have a good idea of what they’re up to.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Monitor young children at all times. They need constant supervision. Young children can easily wander off (or disappear) within moments.
  
  
• If you need a break from parenting, find a caring, responsible adult (or teenager) who can play with and supervise your young child well. The early-childhood years can be hard on parents because of the constant supervision and care, so give yourself breaks to be at your best when you are with your kids.
  


• Create a warm, loving, safe home so that your child is relaxed most of the time. The kids who have a hard time discerning between threatening people and nonthreatening people tend to be the kids who grow up in chaos and stress.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Be clear who your child should and should not talk to during times away from home. For example, if your child rides the bus, teach your child to take the right bus and to walk straight to school (or straight home) afterward. For young children, it helps if you (or another adult) can wait with your child at the bus stop before school (and meet your child after school).
  
  
• Encourage your child to play with or near other children when they’re outside or away from home. Explain that kids are safer in groups than when they’re alone.
  
  
• With your child, locate the McGruff safe houses in your neighborhood. (They have a sign in the front window or door with a picture of the McGruff dog.) Say that if your child ever feels uncomfortable and cannot find you, it’s best to go to a McGruff house. If you haven’t met this neighbor, do so before you need it. Visit the McGruff Web site for more tips about McGruff houses.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Be clear that your child is not to make arrangements or meet anyone in person that they discovered through the Internet. This is the area that concerns experts the most since kids at this age often don’t talk as much with their parents and become curious about people online.
  
  
• Continue getting to know the friends of your child—and also the parents of your child’s friends. Some kids find new friends at this age, and since they’re more independent, it’s easy not to know most of their friends.
  
  
• As your child becomes older, be more frank about your safety concerns (but don’t overdo it, or your child may dismiss you). Be factual and non-emotional when you state your concerns, such as saying, “I hear that some kids are drinking alcohol at parties and then having sex because they get caught up in the moment. I’m worried that this could happen to you.”
  
  
• Give your child an easy way to say no to uncomfortable situations. If they have a hard time being honest or standing up for themselves (which can happen during the self-conscious teen years), give them options, such as “I have to go home now” or “I feel sick” or “My mother would kill me.” Then make sure you can pick your child up right away (or know another trusted adult who can) if your child calls, asking for help.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Continue talking about the safety issues that affect older teenagers and adults. For example, once kids get their driver’s license, many don’t realize how many accidents occur after dark and with a lot of teenagers in the car. Visit TeenDriving.com for driving safety tips.
  
  
• If one of your teenager’s classmates is in an accident or dies, attend school events or visit the hospital of the injured teen. Even though these are difficult situations, don’t insulate your teenager from them. They shape everyone’s attitudes and actions.
  
  
• Kids at this age often feel invincible and dismiss their “old fogy” parents’ safety concerns. Notice when your teenager takes precautions and say how much you appreciate your teen making smart choices. Try to give more positive feedback than negative feedback—it is the best way to get through to kids this age.
  

School Buses: Creating Better, Safer Rides

“Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with a half of a dozen lions—everyone but a school bus driver.”—Dr. Laurence J. Peter, American educator

Many kids get to and from school by riding a school bus, and that journey can determine how your child’s day begins—and ends. A number of communities have made the bus ride an asset-building experience, and as a parent, you also can make the experience better and safer with these ideas.

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For all parents

• Tell your children that riding a school bus is a privilege, not a right. The way they act on the school bus is important. They need to respect the bus driver and other riders, and they also need to follow the rules to ensure a safe ride.
  
  
• Model and talk about school bus safety. When you see a school bus, follow the rules by not driving around a bus. Give children time to enter and disembark safely. Visit the Web site, The School Bus Rules, for tips on school bus rules for parents.
  
  
• Find out if your school district has a list of bus rules or a student-parent-bus contract for everyone to sign. When everyone knows the rules, it’s easier to follow them and expect others to follow them as well.
  
  
• Be aware that the bus ride is one of the primary places for teasing and bullying. Find out how the school deals with bullying prevention on the bus in terms of expectations for behavior, the consequences for violations, and the training and support bus drivers get. Tell your child that he should not feel intimidated on the bus, and to come to you if that happens.
  
  
• Know your child’s route to the bus stop. Practice walking it with your child before the first day of school so that your child knows it well.
  
  
• Get to know your child’s bus driver. Introduce yourself on the first day of school and ask the driver for her name. When you see the bus driver, greet her by name, smile, and say how much you appreciate the work she does.
  
  
• Celebrate National School Bus Safety Week in the third week of October each year. For more information, check out National Association for Pupil Transportation.
  
  
• If possible, try to have at least one adult in your neighborhood stationed at the bus stop while children wait. If there are a lot of working parents, see if you can take turns to ensure there’s an adult to keep an eye on kids at the bus stop.
  
  
• On the last day of school, go out of your way to thank the bus driver. If you feel it’s appropriate, have your child make a thank-you card to give to the driver.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Some preschools and child care centers now have pick-up vans and small buses for transportation. If this is the case for your child, be clear that your child needs to sit in his seat at all times when on the bus.
  
  
• If your child has never ridden a bus, consider taking an excursion together on a city bus or on some type of mass transit. Talk about how the bus (or subway) helps people to get where they are going just like a car does.
  


• Keep reminding children to sit down as the bus moves. Many hop up when they see something interesting outside the window and can easily fall as the bus moves or turns.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Show your child the danger zone of a bus (which is about 10 feet around the outside of the entire bus). Explain how most accidents happen in this danger zone, which is why it’s important to be especially careful in this area and to get out of the danger zone as quickly as possible.
  
  
• If your child is afraid to ride the bus at first, consider riding the bus with your child. Or set up a time to volunteer at the school and accompany your child on the bus.
  
  
• Explain that the bus driver is like a teacher. It’s important for your child to listen and do what the driver says.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Kids at this age can get a bit rowdy on the bus. Continue to emphasize that they shouldn’t create unsafe conditions by being too noisy or moving around.
  
  
• Encourage your child to get to know the bus driver. Talk about how it’s not easy to be a bus driver, and your child can make a bus driver’s day by saying hello to her.
  
  
• If your child needs to bring a bulky item to school (such as a school project or a tuba or a double bass), consider giving your child a ride. Taking large items on the bus is not easy, especially if the bus has a lot of kids (which most do now because of budget cuts).
  


• Some kids enjoy riding the bus home with a friend. If your child wants to do this, check with the school office about what you need to do to make this happen. Some teachers or schools require a permission slip from a parent.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Some teenagers (especially those with cars) make fun of other teenagers who have to ride the school bus. Be clear that this is not acceptable. Many teenagers need to ride a bus to get to school, and one type of transportation is not better than another. In fact, point out how bus riders don’t have to pay for gas, car maintenance, or car insurance.
  
  
• Find out if your school requires teenagers to ride a bus to certain off-campus events, such as a college fair, a school dance, or a state tournament. Find out when buses are to leave and when they will return so that you know what to expect.
  
  
• If your teenager’s bus also picks up younger children, encourage your teenager to be kind and helpful to the other riders. Encourage them to greet and get to know the younger children, since many are terrified to ride a bus with so many “big kids.”
  

Keeping Kids Safe on Bikes, Trikes, Skateboards-and in Cars

“Safety is not a gadget, but a state of mind.”—Eleanor Everet, safety expert

When the weather gets nice, kids head outside and jump on their trikes, bikes, or skateboards, or hop into the car. While it’s great for kids to be mobile and get some exercise, it can be stressful for parents who worry about their kids’ safety. Consider these ideas to keep your kids safe while allowing them to have some fun.

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For all parents

• Talk concretely about safety with your child. Instead of saying, “Be safe,” give explicit instructions on what your child should do. For example, if you have sidewalks, have your child ride only on the sidewalks in front of your home and not cross any streets. Be aware that some communities now say that sidewalks are for pedestrians only, so if that’s the case, you’ll need to find an alternative other than the street for young children to ride their trikes and bikes.
  
  
• Don’t rely on cell phones as a safety measure. Yes, a cell phone might help, but it’s not a safety sure-all since the batteries could go dead, your child could drop it, or your child could get injured enough and not be able to use it.
  
  
• Always insist that your child wear a helmet when riding a trike, bike, or skateboard. Make sure bike helmets have the CPSC sticker and that the skateboard helmets have the ASTM F 1492 sticker.
  
  
• Visit your community’s park and recreation department and inquire about bike paths, skateboard parks, and other recreational areas where you and your child can bike together.
  
  
• Insist that everyone always wear seat belts when riding in a car and that children are in the correct child or booster seat required for their age and weight.
  
  
• Remember that how you drive is a powerful lesson to your kids. Make sure you make full stops at stop signs. Don’t race through yellow lights. Signal before turning or changing lanes. Be aware of any inclination you may have toward road rage and do all you can to avoid it. All these are habits you want your kids to emulate once they begin driving, so do them yourself and talk about what you’re doing.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• When your child is riding a trike or bike outside, always keep a close eye on your child. Your child is too young to be able to make all safety decisions.
  
  
• Have races with your young child. As your child rides a trike, race your child while jogging alongside him or her. Let your child win most of the time. It will be great exercise for both of you.
  


• Once your child is coordinated enough, move him or her to a small bicycle with training wheels. As your child gradually gets a sense of balance with the training wheels, readjust the wheels so that your child has to work a bit harder at balancing.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Even after your child learns to ride a bicycle without training wheels, there are still a lot of bicycle skills she or he will need to master. For example, riding down hills is dangerous for most children since they often don’t know how to stop a bike and keep their balance while going at high speeds.
  
  
• Make bike riding more fun by having your child decorate his or her bike with crepe paper in the spokes—or by using clothespins to attach individual playing cards to the spokes for sound effects.
  
  
• When riding on bike trails together, make sure your child stays to the right to avoid head-on collisions with cyclists coming from the opposite direction.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As children enter puberty, they often resist wearing helmets. Some even will wear their helmets while a parent is looking and then hide it in the bushes once they’re a block away. As best you can, make sure your child is always wearing a helmet.
  
  
• Some preteens find bike helmets “uncool” and refuse to wear them. Help them find a more stylish skateboard helmet that also has the CPSC bike sticker. Many prefer skateboard helmets when riding bikes at this age.
  


• If your child has a cell phone, be clear that riding a bike (or a skateboard) while talking on a cell phone (or attempting to text message) is dangerous and should not be done.
  


• Be clear about what kids need to look for in crossing roads and railroad tracks. Many kids get into fender benders with cars when drivers turn a corner and don’t see the kids on the bike. Tell your kids to make eye contact with drivers to ensure that the drivers see them.
  


• Some states allow 15-year-olds to get learner’s driving permits. You have the right to decide whether your teen is ready for this at this age—or not. When you do decide your child is ready to begin learning driving skills, teach him or her carefully yourself and enroll your child in a comprehensive driving course.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Make sure teenagers always wear seatbelts when riding in or driving a car. Watch for teens who secure the seatbelt and sit on it instead of wearing it.
  


• Be clear on what you expect when your teenager drives (or rides in a car with a teenage driver). The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry has helpful tips at http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/helping_your_teen_become_a_safe_driver.
  
  
• Be clear that getting a driver’s license is a privilege, not a right. As a parent, you have the final say whether your teen is ready to get a license—or not. According to the Federal Highway Administration, only 30 percent of 16-year-olds get a driver’s license. That compares to 44 percent who got them 10 years earlier in 1998. If you feel your teenager is not ready, it’s okay for you to decide that he or she will wait to get a license until he or she is older.
  


• Carefully weigh the pros and cons of having your teen get a driver’s license versus riding with other teen drivers. (Your teenager will start riding with licensed drivers as soon as the opportunity arises.) Monitor who your teenager is riding with and what kind of driver that teenager is.
  
  
• Don’t be surprised if your child gets a ticket or has a fender bender the first year of having a driver’s license. Many teenagers do. The longer your teenager drives without an accident or ticket, the better.