Tapping into the Best of Your Community

“Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”—Anthony J. D’Angelo, business founder

You live in a community, but how well do you know your community? Have you discovered what it has to offer your family—and your kids? More and more communities are becoming asset-building communities, and you may live in one without even knowing it. Find out the riches of your community with these ideas.

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For all parents

• Find out if your community has a registered asset-building community by visiting Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up. More than 600 asset-building initiatives, called Healthy Youth • Healthy Communities initiatives, are now operating worldwide.
  


• Discover what your community offers your family and kids through its parks and recreation department, community education program, community nature center (if your community has one), and schools. Although other community programs exist, you’ll find most of them through these departments.
  
  
• Ask other parents what your community has for kids, especially if you’re new to the community or haven’t made deep connections with it. For example, you may learn that there’s a kung fu program or a great individual piano teacher the kids are excited about.
  
  
• Visit your city or county hall and ask for information for kids and families. Many have brochures or catalogs that they can give you. Others can connect you with people who work in these areas.
  
  
• If you’re interested in a religious community, a congregation often has many opportunities for kids and families. See what’s available in your community.
  
  
• Connect with your neighbors. Focus on building community and connections with those who live closest to you. Over time, those relationships will be beneficial to you and your kids.
  
  
• Find out if your neighborhood block participates in National Night Out. If not, take an active role on getting something started. Start small by getting to know a few of your neighbors, or enlist the help of the whole block (including kids) to have a barbecue.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• For young children, a sense of community is very personal. Help your family get to know neighbors and trusting adults in your community.
  
  
• Watch for family events that your community sponsors, such as an annual carnival, an annual parade, or a family ice cream social. Attend these to meet other people and have some fun.
  


• Form community by connecting with other parents of young children, such as through your child-care center, preschool, congregation, or workplace. Some parents create a short asset-building small group and use Taking Asset Building Personally Guide.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• When you attend school open houses and other school events, meet parents and ask which activities they have their kids in and why. You often can discover a hidden gem that’s not advertised.
  
  
• Participate in family service projects offered by your community, your child’s school, or your congregation. These are often one-time, easy events that help you make a difference.
  
  
• Plug into small communities in areas that you care about. For example, if you care about education, volunteer to help out with the parent-teacher organization at school. If you belong to a religious community, make a deeper connection in your congregation. If you enjoy soccer, volunteer to be an assistant soccer coach. Get to know people in these areas.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As children enter puberty, they sometimes leave behind the groups of people and activities with which they’re familiar. Sometimes they gravitate toward something else, but sometimes they’re not sure where to turn. If they’re not sure, offer to help them find other opportunities.
  
  
• Continue to connect your child with trusting, caring adults in your community, such as neighbors, parents of their friends, teachers, coaches, and so on. Kids feel more part of a community when people know them.
  


• A number of congregations offer service projects and work camp experiences for kids at this age. These experiences not only help kids feel like they make a difference, but they also help connect them to other kids and adults who care about serving their communities.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• If your community has an asset-building initiative, see if there are leadership opportunities for your teenager. Many of these communities have a number of leadership and other opportunities for teenagers. To find out if your community has a registered asset-building community visit Search Institute’s Healthy Communities • Healthy Youth Online Community! Click on your state, providence, or country and see what’s available. Click on “Show all initiatives” when the next window pops up.
  
  
• Encourage your teenager to go deeper into her interests. For example, if your daughter enjoys swimming, maybe she wants to get involved with the high school’s swim or synchro swim team. If your son enjoys theater, encourage him to explore the school’s drama club—or try out for a school play. Even though these are specific activities, teenagers feel more part of the community when they’re engaged and involved.
  
  
• If your teenager is interested in sports or other activities, there may be opportunities for him to teach classes, help out with a club, or coach. If this is something your teenager might be interested in, explore your local community center or parks and recreation department to see if organizers are looking for teen instructors, coaches, referees, or umpires.
  
  
• If your community offers a community service day, help out as a family, even if you can only volunteer for an hour. This helps everyone in your family see how they’re making your community a better place.
  

Me, Me, Me: When Kids Think Only of Themselves

“When we are happy, we are less self-focused. We like others more, and we want to share our good fortune, even with strangers.”—Martin Seligman, American researcher

Kids are self-absorbed. It’s part of their development. At times, they need to focus on themselves to grow up well. Yet, as parents, we can continue to help them be aware of, be sensitive to, and help the people around them. This is easier to do at certain ages than others, but all kids benefit when they develop a healthy sense of themselves while also developing a healthy sense of caring for others.

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For all parents

• Remember that you are not alone. Almost all parents complain about their kids being self-absorbed. This occurs most intensely when kids are young (during the toddler and preschool years) and then again in the early teenage years.
  
  
• Support your kids. Encourage your kids. Be proud of your kids. Help them grow up well as individuals, but also nurture their caring for others. As a family, do simple family service projects. Bake cookies for a sick friend. Help an elderly person with yard work or errands. For family service ideas, see the free MVParents newsletter, Family Volunteering.
  


• Set age-appropriate boundaries for your kids. Kids who grow up self-absorbed have been handed everything and not expected to follow boundaries.
  
  
• Notice and acknowledge your child’s positive behavior whenever you see him acting in caring ways toward other people and animals.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• Teach children to share from an early age, even though sharing is a difficult concept for young children to learn. Keep teaching them about sharing, and they will gradually learn it.
  
  
• Keep a healthy balance of your child having her own things and also sharing. For example, if you invite a child over to play at your home, ask your child to put away her favorite toys that she doesn’t want to share. Explain how everything else is meant to be shared while the child visits.
  


• Meet your child’s needs. If your child cries, attend to him immediately. Keep your child fed, rested, and stimulated. The better your child is cared for as a young child, the more likely he will develop a strong sense of self and become a caring individual.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Kids can become selfish when they feel threatened or scared. Instead of coming down hard on your kids when they act this way, ask questions to see if something else might be going on.
  
  
• Continue to value, listen, and respect your child. Nurture her identity. You cannot become a caring individual if you don’t feel cared for.
  
  
• Keep in touch with grandparents, neighbors, and extended family members. When you bring your kids with you to be with other people, they see you caring for others, and they learn to be interested in others.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• Don’t be surprised if your former caring child becomes a self-absorbed teenager. This often happens, and it happens to a lot of kids. Give your child some space to develop, but continue to emphasize how important it is to help and care for others.
  
  
• Kids at this age often love to help others through projects. Have the budding artists create cards to send to homebound or sick people. Have those who enjoy cooking bake something for a widow. Also see if a local congregation has service projects that your kids can do with their friends.
  
  
• Be sensitive toward your self-conscious, self-absorbed teenager. Many have fragile identities. Even though they may push you away, they still want your support and care.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Because of the sometimes fierce competition in high school, some older teenagers can become wrapped up in their own worlds in order to succeed. Monitor their stress and competition levels. Encourage them to have a healthy social life in addition to having a healthy academic life.
  
  
• Older teenagers often take great pride in doing more extensive, challenging service projects. Some go to weeklong service camps in other states—or other countries. Or see if your teen would be interested in building houses with Habitat for Humanity. Visit their Web site to find a local chapter.
  
  
• Continue to do your part in modeling caring. Volunteer at your teen’s school—or in an organization or your community. Talk about why you volunteer and why you enjoy it. Even if your teenager doesn’t do much volunteering now, he will remember what you did.
  

Voting: An Asset-Building Approach

“It’s not the hand that signs the laws that holds the destiny of America. It’s the hand that casts the ballot.”—Harry S. Truman, 33rd president of the United States

On Election Day, we go to the polls to vote for the people who will lead our country, our states, and our communities. Although only adults can vote, you can include your kids in ways that help them become engaged citizens who can’t wait to vote when they turn 18. Consider these ideas to make Election Day a family day.

Try it...

For all parents

• Take your kids with you to the polls. Young children can often accompany parents into the polling both, and older kids will pick up a lot of the buzz by observing the process from a distance. Most polling places enjoy having kids come, and many make them feel right at home, even though they’re not old enough to vote.
  
  
• If you’re comfortable talking about your political beliefs and choices, then talk about whom you are voting for and why. Explain what your hopes are for your country, your state, and your community. Then ask your kids for their opinions.
  
  
• Learn more about voting and elections by visiting the government’s citizen guide.
  
  
• Make Election Day a family day by watching the polling results and listening to what election forecasters have to say. Find a media source that you respect and pay attention to it.
  

For parents with children ages birth to 5

• If your polling place gives out stickers that say, “I voted,” give your sticker to your child (or ask one of the organizers if your child can have a sticker of her own). Most young children love wearing stickers, and many will proudly say, “I voted!” even though they’re not old enough to do so.
  
  
• Find a photograph of the president in a book, on the Internet, or in a magazine and show it to your child. Talk about how the president is the leader of country. Even if you’re not a fan of the president, getting your child familiar with idea and the person will help him become more engaged in the process as he grows.
  


• Declare Election Day as red, white, and blue day and wear those colors. Make flag pictures together to hang on the refrigerator. Serve something red (strawberries), white (potatoes), and blue (blueberries) for a meal.
  

For parents with children ages 6 - 9

• Talk simply about Democrats, Republicans, and Independents. Children at this age often become fascinated by the animal that represents a political party, such as the donkey and the elephant. If you’re interested in another political party (such as the Green Party) talk about that one instead of the Independents to keep the explanation simpler.
  


• Have your child (and other family members) vote for a leader at home. Create a ballot box and give only two or three choices. Design the ballot with pictures of those running for office. Don’t be surprised if your child picks someone based solely on “how nice” she looks. That’s okay at this age. Have someone tally the votes.
  
  
• Make the political process fun, even though it is serious business. Keep your strong opinions for adult conversations. You don’t want to turn your kids off to the process if you get overly emotional.
  

For parents with children ages 10 - 15

• As a family, research those running for office. Ask your kids to do research through the Internet and see what they find. Talk about what you’ve learned.
  
  
• Begin introducing the idea of political platforms and issues to your child. Together, learn which candidates advocate for which issues—and which issues are important to you and why. Get your kids’ opinions about important issues as well.
  
  
• Bring your child with you to a political caucus or primary. You don’t need to stay long to give your child a sense of what happens at these political events.
  

For parents with children ages 16 - 18

• Encourage your teenager to get involved in the political process at school. Many high schools have political parties, debates, and straw votes during election time. Find out how the student body voted—and what your teenager thought of the results.
  
  
• Help your teenager register to vote when he turns 18. If you’re not sure how to register in your area, visit Project Vote. If your teen still lives with you, take him to the first voting election.
  
  
• Talk with your teenager about the contradictions and the political process. For example, some people question how a candidate can talk about “family values” after having an affair. Honor your teenager’s growing sophistication and maturity by not shying away from how politics can get mean or incoherent. Talk about why that happens.
  
  
• Have family discussions about candidates and the issues. Talk about why it’s important for family members to vote and be politically active.